


all I ever needed

by Aj4668



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Closeted Character, Future Fic, Homophobia, M/M, Omgcp Backup Big Bang, You Can Play, all violence is referenced, descriptions of attempted sexual assault, descriptions of violence, high school hazing, not all heavy, some biblical/religious discussion of sexuality, violence not shown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 02:28:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12695244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aj4668/pseuds/Aj4668
Summary: Kent has retired from the NHL, and now works with You Can Play. As the first out hockey player, he is invited to speak to the hockey team at a Providence high school after one of their players is assaulted by his teammates. He runs into Alexei, who he has not spoken to since they ended their relationship seven years earlier.Kent’s going to talk to him for the first time in seven years, and he may just vomit, he’s so nervous. It’s just that Alexei looks so fucking good, even all banged up.Make like a professional, Kent thinks. Keep it together





	all I ever needed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [onmyownlittleplanet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/onmyownlittleplanet/gifts).



> It takes a village right? This definitely did. 
> 
> Beta'd by the amazing [shakespunk](https://shakespunk.tumblr.com/), who has incredible insights and reminded me, among many other things, that hockey players have nicknames and I should probably use them. Duh. (If you need a beta, I recommend them highly.)
> 
> Also beta'd by my awesome friend [fearlessly](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fearlessly), who talked me down from so much (including hating this story a number of times and a hurricane).
> 
> The art is amazing and was done by [youneme](http://youneme.tumblr.com/). Seriously, she’s wonderful, incredibly talented and the best cheerleader. Go give her a follow and some love on tumblr. 
> 
> All of them talked me through some serious rough spots in the story, and if you like this, it’s probably because of them. I am blessed.
> 
> This is for [onmyownlittleplanet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/onmyownlittleplanet/pseuds/onmyownlittleplanet). I absolutely stole the opening verse (she knows) from her hockey RPF [story](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11770482/chapters/26861577/), which you should go read now. It’s awesome.
> 
>  **TW/CW** \- There is a described sexual assault/hazing incident in this story. It happens off-screen, and doesn't happen to any main character. For more on this, see end notes and heed the tags.

_There’s no reason I would change any of it anyways, it calls me back to you…._

[Forever](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcpjAxSrLdE) Forever by Mika Zibanejad

 

 

Kent’s dying. 

Not literally, but close enough. He’s back on the ice, and he feels like he’s having an out of body experience. 

The Aces are retiring his number after the end of Kent’s fifteen-year career, and he’s listening to people make speeches about his numerous achievements like they are talking about someone else. It’s been almost two years since he played, and it feels good to be back, but it’s bizarre at the same time.

Currently, the Commissioner of the NHL is lauding his praises, and talking about what a privilege it was to watch Kent play, and that Kent’s banner will be in the rafters with ‘dignity and honor’ to remind future generations that Kent was ‘a one-of-a-kind player’. 

Blah, blah, blah. 

As if the man didn’t raise hell when Kent, and then others, came out. He wanted players to be ‘apolitical’ at the rink, and apparently, coming out and using Pride tape was ‘political’ to him. Whatever. 

Blah, blah, blah.

Kent ignores the Commissioner, and decides instead to focus on the arena. He breathes in the always-familiar smell of the ice, takes in the sight of the jumbotron, listens to the faint echo of the sound system. These are the weird little things that he’s missed the most since retiring, and the things he never expected he would.

 

Oh shit, he needs to pay attention. He catches Jeff walking up to the podium out of the corner of his eye. He needs to listen to this. 

As Jeff starts to talk, the jumbotron flashes a few photos of the two of them throughout the years, and Kent laughs as he sees them hoisting their first Cup together so many years ago. Fuck, they were babies. Of course, only in sports are you considered old enough to retire in your thirties, but he and Jeff look like they were twelve in that photo.

“Listen, Kent can be focused to the point of obsession, and off the ice, that can be problematic, but on it, it made him the best player, the best teammate, and the absolute best captain.” Jeff pauses as the crowd cheers. “He’s also the best friend I’ve ever had, and quietly, he’s the best man I’ve ever known. His stats have been recited already, a few times, but many don’t know about his philanthropy.”

Oh hell, what is he doing?

“He won’t be happy with me for sharing all this, but he’ll deal,” Jeff laughs. “Kent not only works with and donates to You Can Play, and you all know he started the Little Aces program all those years ago, but he also gives generously – and I mean _generously_ \- to the Las Vegas Valley Humane Society and The Trevor Project. He funds scholarships to hockey camps in his hometown and in Vegas for underprivileged kids who want to play, but can’t afford the equipment or camp fees. Since he retired, he’s been working with a number of charities behind the scenes, so I won’t name them. They are lucky to have him.”

“Kent, it’s been an absolute honor to play with you, and to know you. Elise and I love you, man. Congrats. Everyone, I give you Kent Parson!”

As Kent meets Jeff halfway to the podium, they hug, and Kent says, “What the fuck? Am I dead? That sounded like my freaking eulogy, man.”

“Shut up and take it like a man. Good luck with your speech. I know how thrilled you are to give it.”

“Fuck off, Swoops.”

“Love you, too,” Jeff smirks as Kent walks to the podium.

 

As the fans chant “Parser! Parser!” again, Kent looks around, and does a double take. He swears he just saw Alexei in the stands with some players from other teams, but now he can’t find him. Shit. Would he be here for this? Kent knows the Falcs don’t have a game tonight – Jack’s here – but why would Alexei be here? That shit only happens in Kent’s best dreams, not reality.

“Thanks everyone. I appreciate you coming today. It’s exciting to be back on Aces ice…“ Kent has to wait again while the crowd cheers. “…and I’m sure you’re all just as overjoyed to listen to another speech as I am to give one, so I’ll try to keep it short. I have a lot of people to thank, so bear with me.”

As he thanks the NHL Commissioner, the Aces GM, and Management, he looks for Alexei again, and can’t find him. Shit.

“I have to mention the PR Department, because, well, you all know I kept them on their toes and drove them all nearly insane. They are very good at their jobs, and should get paid a lot more.”

He pauses for the expected laughs and cheers, then continues, expressing his gratitude to his coaches, and those responsible for drafting him, for giving a scared, young, clueless kid a chance, and finishes with those most important to him.

“I have some really important people that I could never thank enough for so many reasons. My mom, Katherine, and my sister, Kelly, have been with me every step of the way and supported me on this crazy journey we call hockey. Mom and Kell, I love you.” He smiles at both women, who are sitting on the ice. His mother smiles and wipes her eyes, and his sister rolls her eyes. For weeks, she’s been giving him crap about the spectacle that is this ceremony. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Jeff Troy, despite you saying horrible things in speeches about me, I love you. You are my brother. None of this would have been any fun without you, and your hockey is spectacular. Elise, you are an angel, and I adore you.” Jeff’s wife, Elise, smiles softly. Kent often wonders how she’s managed to put up with both him and Jeff all these years, and when he calls her an angel, he means it. He’s loved her from the beginning, thirteen years ago now, when Jeff introduced him to the woman he met in Whole Foods.

He makes eye contact with an older, but still lovely, couple sitting next to his mother. “Bob and Alicia Zimmermann, over twenty years ago, you took me into your family, and never let go. From you, I’ve gotten the best advice, love and acceptance. I’ll never thank you enough.” He sees Alicia wipe a tear from her eye, and Bob smiles and shakes his head.

He looks at Jack, sitting next to his parents on the ice. Even though he and Jack forgave each other and became friends again years ago, he somehow still can’t believe it. “Jack Zimmermann. Zimms, we played our first real hockey together, when all this was still just a big dream for two kids who knew nothing about life. I’m so glad we started together, and I’m grateful you’re here for the end. Thank you for it all.” Jack just smiles and nods, which is what Kent fully expected. 

“Eric Bittle,” he says, looking at the smaller blond man sitting next to Jack. “Bits, you’ve been a great friend I never expected. You are a ray of supportive sunshine.” Eric beams, and touches his hand to his heart.

Kent looks around the arena at the fans. “The Aces have the best fans in the league, and I’ve been so lucky that you’ve cheered for me for most of my time here. Thank you, all of you.”

As the crowd chants his name again, he steps off the podium, and as he walks to hug his mom and sister, he sees Alexei. He knows it’s him, and stops just for a second as they make eye contact and smile. He hasn’t seen or talked to Alexei outside of games or hockey events in almost seven years, so he’s really touched that Alexei would attend such a momentous event in his life. He touches his fingers to his lips, the way they used to acknowledge each other when they were dating in secret. He just wants to somehow thank him for coming, and he knows Alexei understands when he sends the greeting back with a soft smile.

Kent’s mom touches his arm, and he has to turn his attention away to greet her before he watches them lift the banner with his number on it. When he looks back, Alexei is gone.

It’s okay, though. The day somehow feels more complete now that he knows Alexei was there.

 

 

A few months later, Kent is packing things in his dining room while the news blares on in the background. He decided a while ago that he is going to move back east, and will be looking at places in Boston and New York in a week. He is wondering why he didn’t hire someone to do this packing shit for him when something on the news catches his attention.

“…the young hockey player is in stable condition at a local hospital. Hazing in high school sports is not new, but with programs like You Can Play, it has decreased in recent years. The incident is being investigated by school officials and the Providence Police Department. There has been no comment from either at this time.”

Kent moves into the living room where the TV is, rewinds to see what he missed, and nearly vomits when he hears it. A player had been perceived as gay by his teammates, and at least a few of them attacked him, severely beating him. They had also called him derogatory names, including ‘several gay slurs’. They are still investigating whether anything ‘of a sexual nature took place’.

Fuck. This isn’t hazing. This is assault. It’s homophobia. God, it’s 2026, and this happened in Providence, Rhode Island of all places? These kids grew up with gay hockey players on their hometown team. What the fuck?

Kent struggles for a few long minutes to remember all the coping skills he’d learned in his years of therapy. After finally deciding years ago that he’d had enough of being angry at the world, and essentially feeling miserable, he’d found a great therapist and she’d taught him that being angry was normal, but how he had been reacting wasn’t always healthy. 

He takes some deep breaths, counts to ten about five times before he feels himself calm down. The grip he has on the back of the couch loosens, and he can feel his neck and shoulders relax. He takes a last deep breath, and turns the TV off.

He makes a mental note to call Jack later, and goes back to packing. He’s not even sure why he has a dining room. He’s eaten in it approximately five times, and those were Thanksgivings his mother insisted he host so she could see him for the holiday. As he wraps candlesticks in bubble wrap, he wonders why he even has candlesticks. He doesn’t light candles, and these candlesticks are kind of ugly. He thinks his decorator bought them, back when he first purchased his house ten years ago. In a truly mature moment, he decides his new place won’t have a dining room. Mentally, he stomps his foot, sticks out his tongue, and says, “So there!”

He pushes his never-to-be-tamed hair back from his face, making another mental note to get a haircut soon, and looks around the dining room. He’s almost done here, and still has his kitchen, three guest bedrooms, four bathrooms, and his own bedroom to do. Fuck it. He’s calling a company tomorrow. It will take him weeks to do this. Professional movers can do this in a day. 

Thinking that it’s time for dinner, he goes to the kitchen to find something to eat. He heats up some leftovers, eating alone yet again. Most of the time, he doesn’t mind being single, but some days, like today, he is definitely lonely. He misses Kit, who passed away just after he retired. He’s contemplated getting another cat, or maybe a dog. When he thinks about it, though, he feels like he’s somehow cheating on Kit, and can’t do it. Maybe when he settles back east it will be easier to adopt a pet. Maybe it will be the right time. Maybe.

He grabs his laptop, and starts looking at houses. His realtors – one in Boston, one in New York City – are good about emailing him possibilities, but he knows that he’s missed out on some, and he likes perusing anyway. He searches Boston first. He still hasn’t decided on a city, and thinks he’ll decide based on whatever house he falls in love with. His main work right now is with You Can Play, and he can do that from anywhere.

As he is studying a listing on Beacon Street in Boston, and wondering why a kitchen would ever be smaller than a closet (and he is a man who appreciates a big closet), and why if a house has ‘breathtaking river views’, the listing wouldn’t actually have photos of those views, his phone rings. Distractedly, he answers without looking.

“Hello.”

“Hey, have you seen the news?” Jack asks.

Kent sits up in his chair, and pushes the laptop away. “Hey, yeah. I saw it earlier and was going to call you. What the hell happened? Do you know?”

“I don’t know much more than you, probably. No one really knows if it was meant to be a hazing, or if it was a hate crime, or what. It just happened yesterday, and the police aren’t saying anything.”

“The news here said that they are investigating whether or not ‘anything of a sexual nature took place’,” Kent said dryly. “Have you heard about that?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know anything about it, other than if it did, it’s criminal. Bits is sick over this.”

“Yeah, I imagine he is.” Kent only knows a little about Bitty’s past, but he does know it includes some serious bullying. “Is he gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. As soon as he heard, he got on the phone with Shitty, and Shitty is trying to find out if the victim and his family have legal representation. If they don’t, he’s going to offer his services pro bono.” Shitty’s highly regarded for his work with victims of hate crimes, domestic violence, sexual harassment and discrimination. He’s for sure one of the best in the field.

“That’s awesome. Is there a fund for the family? I’ll donate. And Jack, this isn’t hazing. Hazing is dumb and immature, but hazing doesn’t land you in the hospital.”

“No. Bits has already tweeted at probably twenty different news outlets, complaining about their choice of wording.”

Kent laughs. “I’m sure he’s on top of it. I’ll retweet some of his stuff later. Let me know what else I can do.” 

They talk for a bit longer, and confirm their plans for the following week. Kent is spending three days in Boston, three days in Providence with Jack and Bitty, and then moving on to New York.

 

The following day, Kent wakes up to his phone ringing. As he blindly reaches for it, mumbling about how it’s still dark outside, he notes that it’s not even seven a.m. 

“Fuck,” he groans as he almost drops the phone, but he manages to accept the call. “Hello?” His voice is croaky, telling his caller he was clearly sleeping.

“Shit. Sorry, Kent. I forgot you were still in Vegas. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Kevin says. Kevin Carter is his contact at You Can Play, the Director of Professional Sports Outreach. 

“Kevin? Uh, it’s okay.” Kent sits up, wiping his eyes, and trying to orient himself. “What’s up?”

“Have you heard about what happened in Providence? The high school hockey team?”

“Yeah. I heard it on the news last night.” Kent gets out of bed and walks to his kitchen, turns on the coffee maker and leans against the fridge as he waits for it to start. He can’t have a deep conversation like this without caffeine. 

“The coach called us yesterday. They want someone to come speak to the team. We hope you’ll do it. The entire team, minus the victim, should be there.”

“Wait.” Kent runs his hand through his hair, and tries really hard to collect his thoughts. “Does this mean no one is facing charges?”

Kevin sighs. “Two kids are. I don’t know what the charges are yet, but the rest aren’t. To be fair, some weren’t even there when it happened, and a couple of others apparently tried to stop it. One even intervened and told the coaches. But Kent,” Kevin pauses for a long moment. “Kent, some watched, some cheered. They aren’t getting charged at this time.”

“What the actual fuck? Isn’t that being an accomplice or something? At least the ones who cheered?” Kent realizes that he doesn’t even know what actually happened, so he asks.

“Kent, it’s bad. They beat him and tried to sodomize him with his hockey stick.”

Kent slides down his fridge and sits on the floor, head in his hands. “Fuck,” he whispers. He thinks of the implications of this – that being gay is so bad to these kids, so deviant, that they’d sexually assault a teammate with something as sacred as his hockey stick. What a message they tried to send. His gut twists, and he’s afraid he’s going to vomit. 

He takes a few deep breaths and stands up, and says, “Kevin, I’ll do it. But what about Falcs players? Jack? He’s a hometown fave.”

“They are on a long roadie, so he can’t. When can you get there?” Kevin’s voice has all the urgency Kent needs to hear.

“Two days. Is that okay?”

“Yes, I’ll set it up. And Kent, I hear the kid has a great attorney now.” Kent can hear papers shuffling, then Kevin says, “His name is B. Knight.”

Kent laughs. “Yeah, I know him. He’s a friend of Jack’s. He’s a great guy, and an even better attorney. He’ll make sure the kid is protected, and will put pressure on whomever it takes to make sure the right charges get filed. That makes me feel a hell of a lot better.”

“Good. If you vouch for him, it makes me feel better, too. I’ll be in touch with the details,” Kevin says, and ends the call.

 

Kent drinks his coffee, and thinks about what he has to do in the next two days. He needs to set up a packing service, call his realtors, change his flight, his hotel reservations… and why the hell does he not have an assistant anymore? Oh right, he didn’t want to seem pretentious and elitist, or worse, lazy. Well, he is lazy, and he’s disorganized, and he wants an assistant. When he gets settled back east, he is hiring one.

He gets started on his list, and is making headway, when Jack calls. 

“Hey Jack, what’s up?”

“I just heard that you are going to speak to the team.”

Kent laughs. “Well, news travels fast. How’d you hear that?”

“Well, Smitty’s kid is on the team, and he told his dad, who told me.” Smitty is Max Smith, one of the d-men on the Falcs. “His kid, Sam, is the one who told the coaches and stopped it.”

“Good for Sam. I heard others cheered it on.”

“Yeah, it’s horrible,” Jack agrees with a sigh. “When are you coming in?”

“I’ll be there tomorrow. Does that work for you and Bitty?”

“I have a game, and am leaving the next morning for a roadie, but it’s fine for Bitty. He’s gone on his book promotion and won’t be back until Sunday. Andi and Alex are with my parents in Mexico since it’s February vacation. Your room will be here.”

“Yeah, my room, Shitty and Lardo’s room, your parents’ room…” 

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. It’s yours for as long as you need it. You have a key, so the place is yours. We trust you won’t throw any wild parties.”

“Oh yeah, I’m all about the parties these days.” Kent rolls his eyes. At thirty-six, Kent’s party days are long behind him. His idea of a wild night now is to stay up past 11:30 when the news is over. Of course, all his closest friends are married or partnered up, and many have kids. That hinders the party scene.

Jack just laughs. “We all are, man. Hey, did you hear the kid’s family accepted Shitty’s services?”

“Yeah, Kevin told me. I’m relieved.”

“Yeah. He’s pushing the cops to press attempted sexual assault charges with hate crime charges added on. One of the kids who did this is eighteen, but the other is sixteen. Shitty wants them both tried as adults, but obviously, he has little control over any of this.”

“Yeah, but if anyone can persuade someone to see his side, it’s Shitty.”

“Ha, yeah, that’s the truth. Hey I gotta run, Bitty’s calling.”

They end the call, and Kent goes back to his to-do list. 

 

That night, as he’s packing for his trip, he thinks about Alexei. Again. Since seeing him at his retirement ceremony, he’s been thinking about him more and more. He’s a bit relieved that Alexei will be gone on a roadie. He doesn’t want to have the chance of running into him in Providence.

He grabs his toiletries case, which is stocked. He keeps a set at home, and a set for travel, a trick he learned years ago for roadies. He tosses that into the suitcase, and goes through his mental checklist.

“Shoes, underwear, sweaters, shirts, nice pants, jeans, toiletries, sleep stuff, a coat, hat, gloves…” He thinks he has everything, and zips it up, and puts it by the front door. He grabs the bag he carries on, and puts his passport in it, along with his laptop, iPad and earbuds. 

He’s leaving in the morning, and will arrive in Boston just after five p.m. He’s already arranged for a car service to drive him to Providence, where he’ll be able to use Jack’s car while he’s there. He could fly to Providence, but there aren’t any non-stop flights from Vegas, and the extra stop adds at least a few hours to the trip. 

He turns the TV on while he gets ready for bed, and Kent misses the first part of the sports segment while he’s brushing his teeth, but when they mention Alexei, Kent rewinds it.

“Alexei Mashkov, defenseman for the Providence Falconers, was in a car accident today on the way to practice. We are told that he has a fractured wrist, a mild concussion, and some bruised ribs, but his injuries are not serious. The accident was caused when another driver ran a red light at a busy intersection close to the arena. The other driver was not hurt, and has been cited. It’s estimated that Mashkov will be out for six weeks, which raises the question of the playoffs, and what this will do to the Falcs’ chances…”

Kent rewinds it again, and hears only, “fractured wrist, a mild concussion and bruised ribs”. He tries to focus on “but his injuries are not serious”, but he is overreacting and knows it. Maybe he can go see him while he’s in Providence. He can see for himself that Alexei is okay. 

Okay, fuck that. That will be at least two days, and he needs reassurance now. He calls Jack.

“Kent? What’s wrong? It’s the middle of the night. Are you okay?”

“Oh fuck, I’m sorry. I just saw the news about Alexei. Is he okay?”

“Yes, he’s fine. He’s just a little banged up, has a broken wrist, some bruises. He’s home. He was just seen in the ER and released. Really, he’s fine.” He stops long enough for Kent to wonder if he’s fallen asleep, then asks, “Why are you so upset?”

“Right? Good question. I’m sorry I woke you up. I’ll call you tomorrow.” He ends the call, and gets in his big, soft bed. He googles Alexei’s name, and finds a few articles about the accident, but they all say essentially what the news said. He goes to Twitter, and finds some photos of the accident. Yeah, bad idea.

Alexei’s giant Range Rover’s driver’s side is smashed in, and the other car, a Toyota Highlander, looks to be totaled. It’s amazing there were no serious injuries, and that the other driver wasn’t hurt. Kent wonders if Alexei is in a lot of pain.

A memory comes to Kent’s mind, from just before he and Alexei ended their relationship. They’d been fighting a lot, and though Kent had come out, Alexei never had. Politics in Russia at the time made it dangerous for him to do so, and Alexei was rightfully concerned for himself, his parents, and other family members if he did. Kent understood that, but it made their relationship harder. 

The media and fans thought that Kent and Alexei, who were drafted together, had an epic bromance, much like Sidney and Geno or Tyler and Jamie. That always made Kent laugh, since he knew they were as coupled as he and Alexei were. 

They had gone out to dinner close to Valentine’s Day, in Providence, with Jack and Bitty, who had come out shortly after Kent had. The restaurant was very romantic, all dimly-lighted with soft music playing. Alexei had been nervous the whole time, worried that someone would figure out that he and Kent were on a double date with Jack and Bitty.

The entire night was spent with Alexei moving further away from Kent in the booth, making sure not even their elbows ever touched, until Alexei was up against the wall, and Kent was all but falling off the edge of the seat. 

Bitty had kept apologizing for picking such a romantic place, for not checking it out further beforehand, and Jack spent his time sending sad looks to both Kent and Alexei. By the end of the meal, Alexei’s nerves were shot, and Kent wasn’t sure if he was hurt, mad, just felt really bad for Alexei, or some really fucked up mix of all three.

Back at Alexei’s after dinner, Kent had been silent, and Alexei was apologizing over and over, saying he knew he’d made Kent feel bad. 

Finally, Kent couldn’t take it anymore, and all his pent up feelings just came spewing out. “Look, I get it. I get why you can’t come out. But am I so bad that you can’t eat at a restaurant with me? You can’t sit and have a meal with me? What the hell is this, Alexei?”

“Kent, we were at romantic restaurant. I was with three well-known gay men in romantic setting. How you think this looks for me?”

“It looks like…” Kent hadn’t been able to deny how it looked, knowing that some people could have, and would have, interpreted it as a double date. “Yeah, okay, I get that. Fair point, and we probably just should have left when we saw the restaurant, but baby, it felt like you were ashamed of me. I’ve never felt that from you before tonight.” His head dropped as he looked at the floor.

The look of pain on Alexei’s face in that moment is one that will stay with Kent forever. His eyes were filled with tears, his face had turned ghost white, and one hand covered his mouth as he shook his head. “No, no, no.” Alexei had walked to Kent, held one of his hands, and lifted Kent’s chin with the other. “No. Never ashamed of you. Look at me.” He’d waited until Kent met his eyes. “I love you. Am so proud of you. Just scared of what happens if people find out about me. Do you understand?”

Kent had nodded, and intellectually, he had understood. Emotionally, though, he was someone who had always struggled with self-worth. 

“I never want to hurt you. I’m so sorry. So sorry,” Alexei cooed as he held Kent close.

Kent, hating that Alexei was so conflicted and was hurting, too, had said nothing, and took him to bed, hoping to ease Alexei’s pain with the sweetness of their loving. 

 

Kent realizes now that this moment had really been the beginning of the end for them. Kent never really put the feeling that Alexei was ashamed of him away, and Alexei grew more and more worried that he’d be outed. 

A few short months later, they ended their relationship; the pressure of Alexei not being out and the distance had just become too much for them both. They’d made big promises to be friends, but never really made that happen.

 

Kent wonders why he is thinking of that tonight, other than the thought of Alexei being in any kind of pain has always tormented him. He has often hoped that Alexei has found happiness, though a small part of him – the immature, perhaps bitter, part that even years of therapy can’t make go away – is relieved that as far as he knows, Alexei hasn’t been in a serious relationship since theirs ended. 

Kent rolls over in his bed, fluffs his pillow, and tries to will his brain to shut down. He has to get up early in the morning for his flight, and needs to go to sleep. 

Okay, make a list of some winter clothes you need to buy, he thinks. He’ll need some new boots, definitely some thick socks. There’s a big fancy mall by Jack’s house, so he can go there, or into Boston, too. Sweaters. He’ll need some sweaters. Maybe a couple of black ones. Those always look good with jeans. 

As he’s thinking about this, he finally falls asleep.

 

 

His flight to Boston is smooth, and his car service is waiting for him. He gets to Jack’s and Bitty’s by seven, and lets himself in with his key. Jack is at his game, but there is a note saying there is a lasagna in the fridge that just needs heating, and to help himself.

Knowing that this is Bitty’s lasagna, Kent takes it out and puts it in the oven, following Jack’s written instructions and sets the timer. While it heats, he takes his bags to his room and unpacks quickly. He goes back to the kitchen, grabs a beer, then heads to the family room. He’s just in time to catch the start of Jack’s game on the big-screen TV.

He opens his laptop to prepare for his talk with the school, and wonders if there are any local articles or social media sites that might give him some insight. He checks the school’s pages on Twitter and Facebook, and wow. Just wow.

On Facebook, there are a lot of posts from people, most of whom seem to not be affiliated with the school. These comments are mostly critical of the team, of the school’s response, and it seems many want the team’s season suspended. That’s fair, Kent thinks. With the number of players who cheered this on, an appropriate sanction would be to suspend the team’s season, though the season is almost over.

So far, it seems as if the only official response from the school or the district has been the standard, “We are horrified by the actions of a few students and don’t condone hazing”, along with a promise of a full investigation. The local police have said even less. 

There are quite a few comments, though, which state that gay kids shouldn’t be playing on high school teams, and go on to say what a distraction that would be in locker rooms, and how unfair that is to the straight kids who don’t want to be “lusted after” by those, well, Kent doesn’t even want to process the slurs used there. 

It’s pretty much the same on Twitter, but here there are some who state they know some kids on the team, and claim that the atmosphere is very anti-gay, anti-tolerance. Others say that the coaches don’t necessarily condone that, but they don’t condemn it, either. 

Kent’s beginning to think a one-hour talk from a gay hockey player isn’t going to be enough. He’s meeting with the coaches first, and hopes to gain some understanding from them as to how this happened, and anything that may have led up to it.

 

The timer goes off for his lasagna. He’s had enough reading for a while, so he eats and watches Jack’s game. 

The Falcs pull off an easy 4-1 win against the Preds, and Jack comes home relaxed and happy. Kent has the lasagna heated for him, and as Jack eats, they talk.

“Ready for your talk tomorrow?” Jack asks.

“I guess. I don’t think an hour is going to be enough time to make any difference. I was reading some stuff on Facebook and Twitter, and it seems that the culture of the team is pretty anti-gay. The coaches don’t condemn it, though they don’t openly support it, either.”

“Yeah, that’s what Max’s son, Sam, has said. I don’t know if they agree with it, or just feel helpless, or what. But really, even if they just felt helpless, they probably didn’t know that they had burgeoning sociopaths on their team.”

Kent shakes his head. “No, probably not. They didn’t help, though, and it’s their job to stop that shit. There are enough studies now that show what bullying does to kids, and how enabling adults contribute to those effects.” He grabs another beer for himself, and more water for Jack, and continues. “I’m still surprised that this happened here. The Falcs have you, Snowy, and have had other openly gay players over the years. It’s not like this is a new concept.”

“Yeah, it was like a punch in the gut. Max said the same thing. These kids were raised with gay hockey players. Hell, some of these kids have come to our kid events and met us.”

“Shit. I don’t get it. I guess I’ll find out more tomorrow.”

Jack takes a bite of lasagna, and doesn’t say anything until he finishes chewing and swallows. “So what’s up with Alexei? Why did you call me about him?” Jack asks quietly. He knows this is a sensitive topic; one they almost never talk about.

Kent shrugs and plays with the label on his beer bottle. “I don’t know. For some reason, I’ve just been thinking about him a lot recently.” He looks at Jack. “I saw him at my retirement ceremony.”

Jack’s eyes widen. “He was there? I had no idea. He didn’t say anything about it.”

“I saw him sitting in the crowd, but he never said anything to me, and left before I could say anything to him. I’ve been thinking a lot about him since.”

Jack seems to think for a long moment, then says, “Did you know he became an American citizen a couple of years ago?”

“No.” Kent is stunned, and it doesn’t take long to consider all the implications of this. Can he come out now? Would it be safe?

“His parents are here now, too. They came over just after he became a citizen. I don’t know how it all happened, and he was very quiet about it. His mom is giving skating lessons, and his dad is working with the Little Falcs kids’ hockey program. They’re doing quite well here.”

“Do they, um, know about Alexei?”

“You should talk to him, Kent. He obviously misses you as much as you miss him.” Jack picks up his plate, rinses it, and puts it in the dishwasher. He turns back to Kent, who is still sitting stunned at the table. “He’s going to have some free time over the next few weeks. I bet he’d love to hear from you.” He squeezes Kent’s shoulder as he walks by him, and says, “I’m leaving early tomorrow. Text me and let me know how it goes at the school. Good luck.”

Kent can only nod.

 

Kent spends the morning looking at links for houses that his realtors have sent him. Two are already under contract. He rules one in Boston out immediately because it would require too many updates. There’s a possibility in New York if they can expand the kitchen, but he’ll need to see it first. He’s not in love with any of them, but he wants to see them.

He decides to look in Providence, and pulls up some listings. He discovers that housing is a lot cheaper in Providence than in Boston and New York. It’s not that he can’t afford more, but it’s definitely something to consider.

He looks at a few single-family homes, then some condos. He wonders why big houses have such small kitchens, and texts Jack for the name of his realtor.

 

 

After lunch, he leaves for the school. His gut tells him that this isn’t going to go well, and he hopes he’s just being pessimistic. If not, though, he’s going to suggest a series of sessions, and maybe get Jack in there with him, or other players. Snowy should be a big hit.

He meets first with the coaches, in a small, dreary, cluttered office off the locker room, and Kent can see immediately what one of problems may be: Both coaches are young, relatively inexperienced, and one especially talks like a teenager. 

The head coach, a man named Dan Sullivan, says “dude” a lot, and looks like he is going to a frat party after the meeting. He played college hockey at Boston College, but wasn’t good enough to go pro. He is a math teacher, and has been at the school for four years. 

The assistant coach, Matt Montgomery, is a little older than Dan, but has less experience. He also played in college, at a small school in the Midwest, and teaches English. This is his second year coaching, and his sixth year teaching.

 

They are, to their credit, seemingly horrified about what happened, and aren’t making excuses. Both men talk about how the kids are mostly “cool kids” or “great dudes”, but when Kent asks about coaching methods, how they think they are leading the kids, or building them as a team, they don’t really have any answers.

Coach Dan, as he insists on being called, says, “Listen, they go to school together, and some of them are great friends, dude. They’re a team.”

Before Kent can point out that he didn’t answer the question, Matt speaks up. “I think what Kent means is what are we doing to make them a cohesive unit, one that works together, and supports each other.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. The years we won Cups were the years we were most cohesive. We were a family. We didn’t always like our teammates, but we were a unit. No one could mess with us, and certainly we didn’t hurt each other.”

“Hazing is part of sports, dude,” Coach Dan says.

“Let me make something clear,” Kent grinds out between clenched teeth. “What happened here is not hazing. It was sexual assault, and quite possibly a hate crime. You have two players who are facing charges, and in reality, it should be more than two. I’ve read that some players were cheering them on. In my mind, that makes them accomplices, though I’m no legal expert.”

Matt hangs his head, then looks up. “He’s right, Dan. This goes way beyond hazing.”

“Yes, and hazing, which is stupid by the way, is done when someone is new to a team. The victim here isn’t new, correct?” Kent is going to push this until Coach Dan gets it.

“No, he’s a junior, and has played since he was a freshman,” Matt answers.

“So even more reason why hazing doesn’t fit. You need to understand this. This isn’t ‘boys will be boys’, hazing, or joking around with a teammate. It’s criminal. Do you understand that, Coach Dan?”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, dude.”

Kent isn’t sure that he does, or if he does, he sure doesn’t like it. It doesn’t matter if he likes it, though. Coach Dan has to ensure that his team has a safe environment.

“Can I ask you both something? These kids grew up with gay hockey players. Jack Zimmerman, Snowy, quite a few others, and me. The Falcs are one of the most inclusive hockey teams in the league, and they’re right here. Jack told me that some of these kids have met them, and Sam’s dad plays for them. How did this happen? Why did this happen?”

“I’ve wondered the same thing,” Matt admits. “I think it’s just that a few players who are homophobic led it, and we let it happen.”

“How are we supposed to counter it? I don’t want to tell them their beliefs are wrong,” Coach Dan says petulantly. 

“You don’t have to. This isn’t about their beliefs. Part of your job as coaches is to help them grow into decent men. You challenge their actions. Teach them sportsmanship. Work on their teamwork.” Kent sighs. “Okay, Coach Dan, if you heard one of your kids making racist remarks about another team’s players, what would you say?”

“I’d make them stop, have them do laps or suicides or something.”

“Would you explain why they were getting the punishments?”

“Yes, it’s poor sportsmanship.” Coach Dan shakes his head, as if this should be obvious, and Kent is clearly stupid.

“Would you tell them that the words they were using were wrong?” Kent feels like he’s banging his head against a brick wall.

“I don’t know, dude. I need them to like me if they’re going to listen to me.”

“Ah, there it is. They need to respect you more than they need to like you. They’ll listen to you if they respect you. I’ve had coaches through the years that I would sooner have my teeth pulled than sit and have a beer with, but I respected them. I respected what they stood for, how they led the team, and that they were fair and consistent. Some didn’t like me any more than I liked them, but they were always fair with me. These kids need leaders, not friends. They have friends.”

Now Kent can see the light bulbs going off in Matt’s head, as if he’s finally getting it, and he continues. “So if you see a kid doing something wrong, you need to correct it. You’re the adult. You’re the one in charge. That means you have to stop the hazing.” He shakes his head. “No, let’s call it what it really is, okay? It’s bullying, and worse, it’s assault. You can’t have a good team without good leaders.”

Matt turns to look at Dan. “Shit, we needed this years ago,” he says. Dan says nothing.

“I’ll give you my number,” Kent says. “You guys can call me anytime. I know there are others who will help, too. Hell, call Sam’s dad. I know he’s invested in this team, and would be glad to help when he can. Now, can I meet the team?”

They head to the ice, and Kent sees about twenty boys in street clothes sitting in the stands. Some look bored, some look nervous, and a few actually look excited. Kent knows Sam is here, and that the three who need to hear this the most – the victim and the ones who assaulted him – aren’t here. The victim is still in the hospital, and the others are in juvenile lock-up.

The coaches introduce Kent, and Kent has them all introduce themselves. When it’s Sam’s turn, Kent smiles and nods. He can’t help it. Besides Sam being the son of a Falc, he is the one who stopped the assault, and Kent holds him in high regard for that.

“So you know why I’m here. I was the first out NHL player, and now I work with You Can Play. We believe that it doesn’t matter what your sexuality is, since it doesn’t affect your athletic abilities. Many schools and groups bring us in after something bad happens. Sometimes it’s just for good publicity, but we try to be educational.”

He explains that he’s talked with their coaches, and lays out some ground rules.

“First, what is said here, stays here, with few exceptions. If you state that you want to hurt yourself or someone else, I’m going to have to report that. Next, we use grown up words. Penis, vagina, breasts. If you can talk about it, you can use the correct terminology.” He pauses while some of the boys laugh. “Third, we don’t allow any slurs. We allow gay, lesbian, transgender, black, African American – I think you get the point. Finally, we have to adhere to whatever the school and team rules are for other words. If you aren’t allowed to swear, I can’t let you. Any questions on the rules?”

One boy raises his hand, and says, “So we have to say butt sex instead of take it up the ass?”

Coach Matt all but growls. “That’s extra suicides for you tomorrow, Mike. Anyone else want to push it?”

Mike sighs, and asks, “For real? How many?”

Coach Matt retorts, “I don’t know yet, but keep pushing, and we’ll add more.”

Mike groans, but doesn’t say anything else.

“Any real questions about the rules?” Kent rephrases.

No takers, so he moves on.

 

He leads them through some ice breakers, some group exercises, and a game, all designed by experts to get them thinking about diversity and inclusiveness. It’s working for some, he can see, but there is a small group of players, including Mike, who he is just not reaching. He needs a break, and maybe a chance to talk to Sam to find out more, and ask the coaches for more time.

He calls a ten-minute break, and looks around for the coaches. He sees Coach Matt talking to someone in the far corner of the rink, and heads over. Halfway there, he stops. Matt is talking to Alexei.

 

Alexei is here. Kent’s going to talk to him for the first time in seven years, and he may just vomit, he’s so nervous. He wonders if Alexei has heard the whole session, wonders what he thinks. 

He looks so fucking good, even with the cast on his arm, which is in a sling, and the bruise on his head and cut over his eye. The accident was just a few days ago, so why is he here? Shouldn’t he be resting or something?

When Matt catches sight of Kent, he calls him over. Kent somehow manages to make his feet work, and suddenly he’s in front of Alexei. Matt is introducing them, like they don’t know each other, and Alexei is laughing. 

“Kent and I are friends. We know each other,” and he reaches out his hand to shake Kent’s, and now Kent is touching Alexei.

Make like a professional, is all Kent can think. Keep it together. “It’s really good to see you, Alexei.” 

Alexei beams. “Is good to see you, Kent. You are good at this. I’m impressed.”

“Thanks. I don’t think I’m getting through to some of them, though.”

Matt speaks, reminding Kent of his presence. “I was just asking Alexei if he wanted to speak, if you don’t mind. Maybe a Falc speaking could help.”

“No, that’s great. I don’t mind at all. I was thinking maybe a question and answer session would work. If you’re okay with it, I’d like to let them have some free time where they won’t get in trouble for what they say, provided they don’t use any hate speech.”

“No, that’s fine with me,” Matt says. “Alexei, what do you think? You okay with speaking?”

“If you think it helps, I’ll speak.” 

Kent smiles, and Alexei blushes. Matt looks confused.

 

After the break, Matt introduces Alexei, and says that because he’s injured and can’t play, he wanted to speak, too. He also explains that they are going to do a free time, where they won’t get in trouble for what they say, so long as they use the ‘grown up’ words as Kent explained earlier, and no hate speech is used.

Mike immediately raises his hand. Of course. “So Alexei, you really don’t care about playing with gay guys? It doesn’t creep you out in the locker room or anything?”

“Uh no, why would it? My team is family. Most of the gay players I know are extra cautious to not look, because they are afraid to make people uncomfortable. Is silly, of course. Is arrogant to think you are attractive to all people, no? Are all girls attractive to you? So why you think all men attracted to you?”

As his teammates laugh, Mike pouts. “But doesn’t it bother you that they have sex with men?”

“Why am I concerning myself with sex I am not having?” He looks at Kent, genuinely confused, as most of the team laughs. “I am not worry about any sex my teammates have. I think about sex I have. That’s it. Worry about self. If worry about others, worry that they are happy and healthy. No need to concern yourself with other people having sex. Not your business.”

The player sitting next to Mike raises his hand. “My dad tells me being gay is a sin. That bothers me.”

Kent responds to this one. “Some people believe it is. That’s okay. Sex before marriage is a sin, as is gambling, adultery, jealousy, dishonoring your parents, greed, and a whole bunch of other things. I don’t need you to answer this, but just think about it. Are you as bothered by those things as you are different sexualities? If not, you should ask yourself why. I don’t want to get preachy, or talk about religion too much, but the Bible says all sin is equal in the eyes of God. If being gay is a sin, and there’s lots of room for debate on that, but if it is, it’s on the same level as pre-marital sex. I’d bet some of your teammates have had sex. Is that creeping you out?”

The kid looks thoughtful, so Kent moves on.

Sam has his hand up, so Kent calls on him. “Sam?”

“What do you suggest we do if we see a teammate harassing someone?”

“I’ll take this one. Kent always was captain, so different experience for me,” Alexei says with a little laugh. “Say something to him. Tell him to stop. If not comfortable, just interrupt. Say something to captain or coaches. Say something to teacher.”

“As a former captain, I’d want to know,” Kent interjects. I never let my team get away with anything like that. They could believe whatever they wanted, but they weren’t allowed to make others uncomfortable. Even before they knew I was gay, I didn’t, and it wasn’t just for me. One of my teammates has a gay sister. I didn’t allow jokes about disabled people, as another guy has a disabled brother. You just gotta be sensitive to others.”

Mike raises his hand again. “Alexei, did any of your gay teammates ever hit on you?” 

As his teammates groan, Alexei says, “No, have you ever been hit on by a gay guy?”

Mike looks shocked. “No. Why would you ask that?”

“I’m trying to understand your fear of gay people.”

“It’s just weird. I don’t understand how they find guys attractive.”

“Well, I think your attraction to girls is weird,” Kent said with a laugh. “It’s not for me to understand, though. I don’t understand how people can eat mushrooms, but I don’t alienate them or harass them. It’s just a preference.”

“Alexei,” Mike says, totally disregarding Kent, “what would you do if a dude did hit on you?”

“I’d be flattered. Is compliment, right?” He rolls his eyes. “If someone you are not liking approaches you, politely say no, but thanks. No difference for boy than girl.”

“Yeah, but…” Mike tries to say more, but his teammates stop him.

“Dude, let it go. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

“Enough already. This is stupid.”

“Come ooonn, Mikey, drop it.”

Under it all, one voice says, “He wasn’t even hitting on you. He’s not gay. He was trying to be your friend.”

Coach Matt, who had been sitting off to the side, stands up. “Ricky, what was that?”

“The hell with it. I’m done with keeping this a secret. Mikey thought Chris was hitting on him because Chris started talking to him more recently. He wasn’t. He was just trying to fit in more with the team, and trying to be friendlier with everyone. He’s shy, and somewhat awkward, so it wasn’t easy for him, and Mike here thinks that everyone wants in his pants. He told Scotty and Jason, and they decided to teach him a lesson. Those are their words, not mine.” 

Ricky stands, and walks down the bleachers, stops in front of Coach Matt. “I’m sorry, Coach. I didn’t know about it until after, or I would have stopped it. Plenty knew before, though, and did nothing.” He looks directly at Coach Dan, and then turns and walks out of the rink. Dan turns bright red, his eyes widen, and he quickly looks at his feet.

Holy shit. That’s all Kent can think as Sam runs out after Ricky. Kent nods at him as he goes.

“Well, unless anyone has anything to add, I think we can say this is over. I’ll hang around if anyone wants to talk. Alexei, can you stay?”

Alexei can stay, so they dismiss the team.

Matt approaches them both. “Okay, well I didn’t expect that. Am I interpreting what Ricky said correctly? Did it seem like he was saying Dan knew before and let it happen?”

Kent nods. “Yes, that’s exactly how I took it.”

“Yes, I agree,” Alexei says.

“Well, I guess I’m going to the police, and then the principal, in that order. Now we know it was premeditated. Can I keep in touch?” Matt asks.

“Of course. Whatever I can do to help, I will,” Kent replies. He takes Matt’s phone, and enters his number into it, and Alexei does the same. “Tell the police that we’ll confirm what we heard, if needed.”

“Thanks, will do. And thanks for a really informative session. I appreciate it.” Matt shakes their hands, and leaves.

 

Kent and Alexei wait for a bit, but no one approaches them, so they pack up, and get ready to leave. 

“Thanks for coming. It was a great help to have you here,” Kent says.

“You’re welcome, but I had to come. This bothers all of us.” They start to walk out, and find Sam and Ricky sitting outside the rink in the hallway.

“You guys okay?” Kent asks.

“Yeah, it’s just been a rough time,” Sam responds.

“Sam, you call me if needing to talk,” Alexei says. He’s known Sam since he was born, and loves the kid. “Ricky, you call, too. Just get my number from Sam.”

Kent hands them both his card, and makes the same offer. “You both did really good things. Sam, I know you’re the one who stopped it, and Ricky, what you did in there today will bring real change. You should be proud of yourselves.”

“Yeah, but it’s not easy,” Ricky mumbles.

“No, quite often doing the right thing sucks,” Kent says, and the boys nod. They say good-bye, and walk outside to their cars.

“Fuck, it’s cold,” Kent says as the frigid air hits his face, and he notes that he can see his breath.

Alexei laughs. “Not used to winter anymore, huh?” He pulls a knit hat out of his coat pocket, and places it on his head, struggling to get it straight with one hand. “How long are you staying in Providence? We get dinner?”

Oh wow. Um, okay. Kent wasn’t expecting that. “Well, I was supposed to come next week, and when this happened, everything got changed, so my schedule is all crazy. I’m here until I find a place somewhere.” 

“Find a place somewhere?” Alexei is now trying to zip his jacket, and Kent rolls his eyes, leans over a bit, and just does it for him. 

“Oh, I’m moving back east. Either Boston or New York City, maybe Providence. You can get far more house for your money here. I’m just waiting to hear back from Jack to tell me who his realtor was.”

“I can tell you. I used the same one.”

“Oh. Great. So yeah, dinner is good. When?”

“Well, I’m free for the next six weeks, but tonight?” Alexei pulls a thick glove out from a pocket, and manages to pull that on by himself.

“Sure. Want to come to Jack’s? Bitty stocked the freezer. We can heat something up.”

“For a Bitty meal? Yes!” 

Kent laughs. “Okay, I’ll see you there.

 

 

Kent gets in his car, starts it, and has to take a moment to just breathe. What is he doing? Is having dinner with Alexei the dumbest thing ever, or maybe… Maybe it will be okay? 

He puts his car in drive, and pulls out of the school’s parking lot. He does a time check, and thinks he can catch Jack before his game. He pulls out his phone, and calls Jack, who answers after the first ring.

“How’d it go? I’ve been waiting to hear. Max is with me, too. You’re on speaker.”

“Well, it was interesting, if nothing else. Max, your kid is awesome. Long story short, there was a plan to attack the boy, Coach Dan knew about it and didn’t stop it.”

“What the fuck?” Max asks. “I never trusted that guy.”

“How did that come out?” Jack wonders.

Kent fills them in, and lets them know Matt is going to the police first, then the principal. “Oh and Max, Sam was hanging back with Ricky at the end, but I’m sure he’d want to hear from you. Please tell him that Alexei and I both meant it when we said they could call anytime.”

“Thanks, Kent. Really. I’m going to give him a call,” Max says. “Can I call later if I have any more questions?”

“Sure, anytime. Just get my number from Jack. You raised a great kid. It’s not easy to do the right thing and stand up like that.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that.” With that, Max leaves to go call Sam, and it’s just Jack and Kent.

“Alexei was there?” Jack asks, sounding surprised.

“Oh yeah. Totally shocked me. He helped a lot, though.”

“That’s good. How was that for you, though?”

Kent snorts. “Yeah, we’re heading to your place now. He’s meeting me there for dinner.”

“Well, you’ll have to let me know how that goes. Just be careful, eh?”

“You mean don’t be me and rush back into something?” Kent rolls his eyes.

“You said that, not me. Hey, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yep, and good luck. Kick some Flyer ass.”

“Will do.” 

They end the call, and Kent realizes he has about three minutes to emotionally prepare for dinner with Alexei. It’s not long enough. He has no idea what Alexei is thinking, or wanting from this.

He thinks of the last meal they had together, the night they officially ended their relationship. They had both known it was time, and Kent had flown to Providence so they could talk.

They’d sat over pasta they didn’t eat and talked about how much they loved one another, but knew it just wasn’t working anymore. Alexei was so scared that someone, anyone, would find out he was gay, and out him. While Kent understood the reasons for his fears, and the serious ramifications Alexei and his family would face if he were outed, that didn’t make it easy to sneak around and worry about every touch and look. It had only gotten worse after the Valentine’s dinner. Even the most innocent time spent together in public had started sending Alexei into a tailspin of panic.

The distance was also hurting them. They were on opposite ends of the country, and during the season, they only got to see each other every few months. Each visit was a rush to try to reconnect, emotionally and physically. Kent had referred to their visits during the season as ‘love and sex fests’. These ‘fests’ had been thrilling at first, staying in for a couple of days doing nothing but enjoying each other.

It doesn’t work well, though, when one partner is tired, sick, or stressed. Winter travel and delayed flights had cut into their short time together more than once, so before they even saw each other, they were sad and on edge.

Kent doesn’t really remember which one of them finally admitted that it wasn’t working. He doesn’t remember most of what was said, except that they both loved each other, and if they could have made it work, they would have. That, and they both wanted to remain friends.

He also remembers them crying, and deciding that no matter how stupid it was, they wanted one more night together. 

Leaving the next morning was devastating. Kent managed to drive to Jack and Bitty’s, where he fell apart. He did manage to ask Bitty to go to Alexei, not wanting Alexei to be alone.

 

Kent tries to clear his head as he pulls into Jack’s driveway. That was then, this is now. Whatever this is, he’s going to try to enjoy it.

 

Kent puts the chicken pot pie in the oven and opens a beer while wondering where Alexei is. Just as he starts thinking that maybe Alexei’s changed his mind, there’s a knock on the door. Kent opens it, sees Alexei, and notices a car driving away.

“Oh shit, you had to get a ride. I didn’t even think of that. I’m sorry.”

“Yes, I’m not driving for several weeks,” Alexei says, gesturing with his injured arm. 

“I could have driven you here,” Kent says as they walk to the kitchen. 

“It is not a problem. I had driver stop and get wine.” He pulls out a bottle from his inside his coat, and adds, “I hope you still like this kind.”

Kent glances at the label, sees a Pinot Grigio from a local vineyard and smiles. “I haven’t had it in a long time, but I’m sure I will. Thanks for picking it up.” It’s from a vineyard that Kent and Alexei had visited together, and their wine was a mutual favorite.

Alexei smiles shyly, and Kent feels it in his gut. 

 

Yep. He’s fucked.

 

They make small talk while dinner is still heating, and Alexei tells Kent about his accident. 

“It really happened so fast. I didn’t even see car coming. Just heard squeal of tires and then felt it.” 

Kent shudders. “I’m really glad you weren’t hurt worse. I heard about it on the news that night, and was really scared for you.”

“I make news in Vegas?” 

“Well, the sports news, yeah.”

Alexei shrugs and laughs a little, but Kent doesn’t. Kent bleeds when the ones he loves hurt, and he’s always known he still loves Alexei. He takes in the sling, the scrapes, the cut and the bruise, and he shivers. He knows it could have been so much worse, but…

The oven timer dings, indicating that the pot pie is done, saving Kent from the thought spiral he was spinning down. 

Alexei is watching him with a concerned face. “Kent? You’re okay?” 

“Um, yeah. I’m okay.” He turns and grabs two Falconers oven mitts from the drawer next to the oven. He takes the pot pie out, places it on the stove, and takes a deep breath. As he takes the mitts off, he looks over his shoulder, directly into Alexei’s big, brown eyes. “I’m just really glad you’re going to be okay.”

Alexei’s face immediately softens into a small smile. “Thanks.”

 

Over dinner, they stick to lighter topics: what kind of house Kent wants, why big houses have small kitchens, candlesticks and why anyone has them. Kent keeps Alexei laughing with his descriptions of houses he’s looked at, and how he’s discovered that formal dining rooms are pointless. Alexei tells Kent about his parents’ moving to the U.S. and the adjustment period they all had at first.

“They lived with me for almost six months. I love them, Kent, I do. But there are good reasons why grown children don’t live with parents. My father was trying to coach me, and my mother tried to set bedtime for me.”

Kent laughs. “Really?”

“Yes, every night she come to me and say, ‘Alyosha, is late. Have practice in morning. Time for bed?’” Alexei says in a falsetto. “Kent, it was nine o’clock. I finally say I pay for house for them if needed, buy furniture too, and they move.”

Kent’s laughing. “Oh lord. I don’t think I could live with my mom. I’d buy her three houses before that’d happen.”

“Yes, was best for all. Everyone happy now.” Alexei takes a drink of his wine, and clears his throat before continuing. “I told them about me. Um, about us.” He looks down at the table, seemingly not able to meet Kent’s eyes.

Kent already thought that Alexei had come out to his parents from his conversation with Jack, of course, but not that they knew about their relationship. “Oh. Wow. How’d that go?” When Alexei doesn’t immediately respond, Kent reaches out and touches his good hand. “Alexei?”

Alexei looks up and meets Kent’s concerned eyes. “They said they suspected for years, since I never talk about women. Mama accepted it easily. Said she figure skater, knows far more gay men than straight.”

“That’s great. What about your father?” Kent asks gently.

“He not so easily.” Alexei sighs. “Mama and he fight about it. He not want to disown me or anything, but not happy. He was also very concerned for my safety.”

Kent nods, and says, “That was a valid fear.”

“Yes. He come around, though. He read a lot, learned a lot. Is good now. They both think you are impressive.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. My father followed your hockey, and my mama knows how much I love you.”

Kent freezes, wine glass halfway to his mouth. Alexei used present tense – how much he loves him. Like, still loves him. What does that even mean? 

Kent stands, taking his plate to the sink. He doesn’t say anything. He can’t. Alexei must mean ‘loved’. Surely it’s an accent thing, a Russian-to English thing. Yeah, he knows Alexei has been in this country well over ten years. Whatever. When he gets excited, angry or emotional, it’s more noticeable. That has to be what it meant. Kent’s cool. No, really.

He turns back to the table, smiles, and says, “That’s really nice. I mean that they know and have come around. That must be a relief for you. I know lots of people who tell their parents and it doesn’t go well. I’m sure you’ve heard Bitty’s story. His parents didn’t talk to him for six full months, and even now, it’s strained.” He picks up Alexei’s plate as he keeps talking, knowing he’s nervously rambling.

“I’m really happy that your parents took it well, or well, eventually came around, in the case of your father. That must make dating easier for you…” Well, now what in the fuck is he saying? He doesn’t want to know about Alexei dating.

“Um…” Alexei hesitates to say anything.

“Right, would you like some desert? Bitty has a few frozen pies. I can see what he has.” He moves to the freezer, opens it, and overenthusiastically exclaims, “Look! He has them labeled! We have apple, maple apple, blueberry crumble, and cherry! Do any of those sound good?”

“Kent.”

“I love cherry, but blueberry crumble is always amazing,” he says into the freezer. “Of course, apple is classic for a reason, right? I don’t even mind the maple apple if Bitty makes it. Did you know he created that recipe for Jack? Yeah, that was back at Samwell when he was still lusting after him.” He pauses for a second to take a breath, and Alexei rises from the table, reaching out to him.

“Kent? What’s wrong?”

Kent turns at Alexei’s hand on his shoulder. “Wrong? Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. What could be wrong?”

“Your breathing is funny, you are staring at the floor, and talking very fast. Is because I still love you?”

Kent stops breathing. “So you did mean that.” 

“Yes, of course I mean that.” Alexei looks right into Kent’s eyes, and says, “Just because we break up doesn’t mean I not love you.”

And Kent may have come a long way with therapy and time, but he still sometimes struggles with self worth. “But why? You haven’t even known me for the past seven years. Maybe you won’t love who I am today.”

“Kent,” Alexei sighs. “Love isn’t like light switch to turn on and off. Not how it works. Think I haven’t paid attention for the last seven years? Think Jack hasn’t kept me updated? Think I not know who you are now?”

Well, that seems almost… logical. 

“Well, yeah, but, it’s still been seven years.” Eloquent argument, Kent. Doing your best work here.

“Yes, we have catching up to do, but still doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

“What do you want here? Are you saying that you, what? Want me back?” Kent can still barely breathe, and realizes that the freezer door is still open. He closes it softly and turns to fully face Alexei. 

“Yes, I’d like to talk about it. Like to try. Maybe you not want, but I’ve missed you so much.”

“Fuck, Alexei.” Kent throws himself into Alexei’s arms. It’s where he always felt safest, most loved. Alexei hugs him back, holding him tight.

“Is that yes? You want to try?”

Kent pulls back. He takes a long moment to think. He remembers hiding, feeling like Alexei was ashamed of him. He remembers the distance, and how hard it was. Alexei is still playing, and even though Kent is moving to the east coast, they will still have periods where they are apart. 

He steps out of Alexei’s arms, feeling as though it is one of the hardest things he’s ever done. He sees Alexei’s frown and the hurt in his eyes, but he doesn’t think he can do it all again. He can’t hide, he can’t do the distance, and he sure as hell can’t get through losing him again. He barely survived that the first time.

“No. I love you. I’ll probably always love you,” he says, touching Alexei’s cheek. “I can’t do it again, though. We’ll just end up the way we were before. I can’t hide again.”

He turns to walk away, to go into the guest room, but Alexei follows. “Kent, I already have plans to come out. Parents know, Georgia knows. I’m coming out whether you and I together or not. Made plans as soon as I heard what happened at high school, but got in accident, so delayed for week.”

Kent sits on the bed, letting out a big huff of breath. “Oh.”

Alexei sits next to Kent. “Yes. No hiding. Tired of hiding.”

“Really, that’s great for you. Congratulations. That’s great.” Kent is sincere. He knows this is a big and important thing for Alexei to do, and needs to recognize it.

“Should have done before,” Alexei mumbles.

Kent grabs Alexei’s hand. “No. There are no ‘shoulds’ in this. Coming out is for you, when you’re ready. You shouldn’t do it until then.”

“Thanks.” Alexei shoulder bumps Kent. “So is it still no to us?” he asks quietly.

“What about the distance? You’ll still be gone a lot, and I travel now, too.” 

“I think is last year for me. Old now,” he quips with a wry grin. “Body is tired.”

Kent rolls his eyes and laughs. “I get it, trust me.”

“But even so, it won’t be months in between anymore. Maybe just days. Even if you move to New York, city is just a few hours from here. Very different from Vegas, right?”

“Well, yeah.” It is so hard to argue with all this logic.

“Just say you think about, okay? And we can spend time together? I’m patient man.”

“Okay, I’ll think about it.”

Alexei beams.

 

 

Two days later, on Saturday, Alexei goes with Kent to look at houses in Providence. Alexei laughs throughout, having a great time at Kent’s expense.

The first house they see is beautiful. It’s a meticulously restored 1900s colonial, with intricate woodwork, a fantastic modern kitchen, three fireplaces, and hardwood floors throughout. However, almost every room has a chandelier, and Kent is confused.

“Why would anyone want a chandelier over their bed? It’s so elaborate, too. How do you clean those? Do you clean those? And those light candle-y things on the wall. What are those? Those are weird.” 

The realtor, Debbie, replies, “Those are called sconces.”

“Well, they’re weird. Why do they look like candles?”

“Maybe it’s supposed to be romantic,” Alexei suggests. Kent rolls his eyes as they walk into the master bath, and sure enough, there is a chandelier there, too. 

“Okay, now that I know is strange. Who has a chandelier in the bathroom? The rest of this bathroom is so modern, and then there’s that crystal thing hanging. It doesn’t even give good light.”

Alexei laughs as they walk into the hall, where they see a light fixture that Kent deems an “upside down boob”. 

“Kent, how many boobs have you actually seen?” Alexei chirps.

“Well, none in person, but still. Look at it. It’s got that thing in the middle, and it’s round. It looks like a boob. Oh, no offense, Debbie.”

“None taken,” she says, laughing. “Perhaps we should try another house?”

“Please,” Alexei begs.

 

House two sits on a corner lot, and is a renovated 1920s brick colonial. Immediately, Alexei says, “Oh look. Modern light fixtures!”

“Yes, these are much better,” Kent agrees. “This kitchen floor pattern, though – is it argyle?” He all but sneers.

“Flooring is cosmetic, and can be easily changed,” Debbie reminds him gently. “Try not to get too wrapped up in cosmetics. Look at the structure mostly.”

“Right,” Kent says. “The structure.”

He does love the other parts of the kitchen, and how it opens to the living room and oh, there’s an office. The office is a puke green color, though.

“Who paints anything this color?” 

“Is cosmetic, Kent. I’d help you paint, or you hire someone to change it. Remember, structure, not cosmetic,” Alexei says, struggling not to laugh.

Everything else goes well, and Debbie and Alexei have hope until they reach the upstairs bath. It has black tile.

“Black tile in the shower? What the hell? Imagine how the soap scum would show? Why? Why would anyone do that?”

“Kent, you can afford a tile job in a bathroom. Can get any tile you want,” Alexei reminds him.

“Yeah, but it’s a pain in the ass to do. Can you imagine living in a house while your bathroom is being redone?”

“So stay with Jack, or me. Is easy. This isn’t even the master bath. You not even use.”

“A bath remodel shouldn’t take that long,” Debbie adds.

Kent only shudders.

They move to the master bedroom, which turns out to be smaller than the master bathroom. “This doesn’t even make sense. Why is the bedroom smaller than the bathroom? Why is this bathroom so big?”

“Shall we move to house three?”

“Please,” Alexei laughs.

 

House three is gorgeous. It’s on the Narragansett Bay, has restored parquet hardwood floors, and from what the photos show, beautiful landscaping. It’s currently covered in snow.

Kent loves the wonderfully updated kitchen, the built-ins in the family room, and the spectacular views of the bay from the breakfast nook. In fact, he’s sold until he sees the first bedroom, which is painted in teal.

“Teal? It’s so bright.”

“Kent, _I’ll_ pay someone to paint it. Please, look past the paint,” Alexei laughs. 

Kent has to laugh at himself. “Shut up. I know, it can be changed. I just wanted to find a house I loved everything about.”

“Kent, may I be blunt?” Debbie asks.

“Yes,” Alexei answers.

Kent elbows him, but agrees.

“There is no house that you will love everything about. I want you to love your house, but there is no such thing as a perfect house. I’m not saying this house is your house, just that you need to manage your expectations.”

“Point taken.”

They see two smaller bedrooms, both done in more muted greys, and then see the master.

“Holy fuck,” Kent whispers. The first thing he notices is the wall of windows and French doors, overlooking the bay. “Look at that view.”

“Wow,” Alexei agrees. He opens the doors to a private balcony. He steps out, and breathes the crisp, cold air. “Amazing. If you don’t buy, I might,” he says to Kent, who had followed him out.

“Shit, this is amazing.” He leans into Alexei, watching a boat sail on the water, and allows himself to imagine nights under the stars with wine and soft music. He dreams of quiet mornings, with coffee and bagels or croissants. In both scenarios, Alexei is next to him. He sighs softly. “This is really nice.”

“Yes. Is beautiful,” Alexei says, looking at Kent.

Kent wants to kiss him more in that moment than he can ever remember before. He knows he hasn’t made any decisions, but what if the spark isn’t there anymore? He needs to know that, too. Knowing it’s a lame excuse, he goes with it anyway.

He leans his head up, and touches his lips to Alexei’s for the first time in seven years. He hears Alexei gasp, then feels his body tense slightly before he apparently decides to grasp the moment. Alexei’s arms wrap around Kent, and oh, there is definitely still a spark.

There are a lot of sparks, and Kent may be in over his head. He doesn’t know if his memory has faded over time, or if it’s because he hasn’t kissed Alexei in seven years, or if Alexei has somehow gotten better at this, but Alexei is kissing him breathless. Kent has to remind himself that they are in a somewhat public place, Debbie is around somewhere, and they aren’t even together right now.

He pulls away, resting his head on Alexei’s shoulder. “Well.” Words. They are called _words_ , and they are used to express _feelings_ , of which he has plenty. “That was, uh, really good.” Brilliant. There’s that eloquence again.

Alexei is just as breathless, which helps. “Kent, wow.”

“I missed that.”

Alexei holds Kent’s face in both hands, tipping it up to look in his eyes. “I missed kissing you, too. I missed you.” He moves away from Kent, but grabs his hand, pulling him back into the house. “I mean it, though. You not buy this house, I do.”

Kent laughs. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

They find Debbie again, who is considerately waiting in one of the smaller bedrooms, and they see the master bath. Once again, it’s decorated with dark tile. Kent cares a lot less this time.

“With a view like that, it makes the tile less bothersome, ya know?”

“A view like that makes everything less bothersome,” Alexei chirps.

They go into the backyard, and find out that it has it’s own small pier, and a boat dock. “I’ve never had a boat. I could get a boat,” Kent says excitedly.

“God help us,” Alexei laughs. 

“You don’t think boating would be fun?” 

“No, it would be a lot of fun, but we take boating safety classes first,” he says emphatically. 

“Yeah, yeah.”

The house has a built-in outdoor hot tub, which leads to thoughts Kent doesn’t voice in front of Debbie, and in the end, his only concern is if he really needs that much space.

“I can show you a smaller condo, also with water views, if you’d like to compare,” Debbie suggests.

Kent thinks that’s a good idea, so they are off to house number four.

 

House four is a condo that’s modern, sleek, and has very cool views of the city and the river. It’s also smaller, as advertised, with two bedrooms, and two and half baths. It’s in the heart of Providence, close to the arena, although house three is only about six miles out of town. 

Kent wanders through the chef’s kitchen, small as it is with its lack of cabinet space and no pantry to speak of. He views the open floor plan, and he does like it. He appreciates the hardwood floors, the crown molding, and most of the modern light fixtures.

He doesn’t know how to describe the chandelier thing in the living room, though. It’s some sort of geometric pattern, with round bulbs shooting out from silver pieces at all kinds of different angles. It’s interesting.

There are no dark tiles in either bath, which is a plus, and no ugly paint colors. It’s all done in silvers and greys, and he supposes it’s elegant. There isn’t a double sink in the master bath, and he could do without the glass doors on the shower/tub, but those can be fixed. There’s no such thing as a perfect house, right?

There is an outdoor space, a rooftop terrace with incredible views of the river and skyline. They can’t see it today, as it’s closed in the winter, but the photos are really nice. 

“You’re so quiet, Kent,” Alexei observes.

“Yes, you are. Is that good or bad?” Debbie asks.

“Neither? This is a really nice place. It’s modern, there are no ugly colors, the views are nice. I could change that chandelier in the living room, right? And add another sink in the master bath if I wanted?”

“Yes, you could, though I think double sinks in the master bath may be a tight squeeze,” Debbie said. “You’d have to talk to a contractor to see if it could be done.”

“There’s the rooftop terrace, which is fine.”

“That’s a shared space,” Alexei reminded him.

“Oh yeah. Do I really want to share that?”

“Well, I wouldn’t. Kent, this is nice place. You said it is ‘nice’ and ‘fine’. Why you settle?”

“I am settling, aren’t I? I loved house three. Why would I do that?”

“I have no idea.”

“So house three?”

“If I move here, yes.”

“Take your time. This house may go quickly, Kent, but you need to take your time on this. Let me know,” Debbie says. They shake hands, and they leave.

 

Alexei and Kent grab a simple lunch of burgers and fries. Kent finds it adorable that he has to cut Alexei’s burger for him. They just enjoy each other’s company, but don’t discuss anything serious. Alexei seems to know Kent’s had enough for one morning, and they keep it light. 

When Kent drops him off at home, though, Alexei hugs him, and says, “Kent, I know you have big decision to make. I hope you know I want you here, but I know you make this decision for you.” 

“I know. Thanks.”

Alexei kisses him, softly and briefly, and gets out of the car, waving goodbye.

 

When Kent gets home, he checks his email, and while weeding through them, his phone dings with a text. He checks the display, and reads that it’s from Sam. He quickly opens it, and reads the full text.

 

TO Kent:

Hey, it’s Sam from the high school you spoke at the other day. I don’t know if you are still in town, but it’s our last game of the season tonight. It’s been a rough few days, and Ricky and I were wondering if you wanted to come to our game, if you were still in town. We probably won’t win, though. It starts at 7:30.”

 

Kent laughs, and decides he wants to go. He texts Alexei to see if he wants to join him, and lets Sam know he’ll be there. Alexei responds a few minutes later with “)))))))”, which Kent assumes is a yes. Kent smiles, and tells him he’ll pick him up at 6:45.

He laughs to himself. He has a date to go to a high school hockey game. He never had a real date in high school. He barely did high school.

He checks the time, and realizes that now is a good time to call Jack. Jack’s out west, so with the time difference, he’s probably not out for a run, skating, eating, or napping.

He presses call from his contacts, and waits while it rings a couple of times.

“Hey Kent, how’s it going?” Jack answers.

“Hey, is it a good time?”

“Yep, just got back from morning skate.”

“Good. Ready for the Sharks?”

“Yes, if we can’t beat the Sharks, we’re in trouble. They are having a terrible season.”

“Yeah, they are. I should be home in time to watch.”

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Alexei and I are going to the high school hockey game. Sam invited me.”

“Oh you and Alexei? How’d that happen?”

Kent fills Jack in on the events of the past couple of days, including the house searching. He skips the part about the kiss on the balcony until the end.

“So yeah, we made out on the balcony of house three. It was really something. I don’t remember him kissing that well,” he says with a snort.

“Damn, Kent. That’s a lot for a couple of days. What are you going to do?”

“I have no idea. If I choose Providence, it’s house three, if I don’t miss out on it. That much I know. The rest, I don’t know.”

“Are there any houses you’ve seen in New York or Boston that you like as much as house three?”

“Well, I’ve only seen photos, so I don’t know if it’s a fair comparison, but no, not yet.”

“True, fair point.”

“I do realize that similar properties in Boston or New York would be twice as much, probably, and that’s something to consider.”

“Okay, let’s be real. You have friends in all three cities. You could be happy in all three places. You could afford all three. If it’s not house three, you could find another wonderful house here, if you choose Providence. What this comes down to is Tater. What do you want to do?”

“Jack, I want to try. I want it so bad, but fuck. It was awful last time.”

“Kent, I can’t tell you what to do, but that was a long time ago. He’s coming out, which by the way, I knew about. You had so many things working against you then. You won’t now. My advice, if you’re asking for it, is to give it a chance. And send me the link for house three. If you or Tater don’t buy it, maybe Bitty and I will.”

“You’re not really funny.”

“I wasn’t trying to be.”

 

Kent texts Jack the link, and a few minutes later, Jack responds.

 

TO Kent:

Seriously, buy the house or I will.

 

Kent rolls his eyes and tosses his phone down. Fuck everyone. That’s his house.

 

Oh.

 

After he calls Debbie and tells her he wants to make an offer and she says she’s near Jack’s house and will be by shortly, he realizes he’s not panicked. He’s actually quite calm, surprisingly. Huh. He can’t wait to tell Alexei.

Debbie arrives about fifteen minutes later, they talk about the offer, and he decides not to low-ball it. He just wants the house, and he knows it is desirable enough that it will go fast. He does make it contingent on an inspection, though. He signs the offer, and Debbie leaves to go present it, promising to be in touch. They have twenty-four hours to respond.

Kent naps for an hour, then gets up and showers. When he gets out of the shower, he has a missed call from Debbie. He returns her call, and finds out that the sellers will accept his offer, so long as he is okay with a quick closing – thirty days.

That’s fine with him. He can afford two houses if his Vegas place doesn’t sell that fast, and he is hiring people to pack, so he can move quickly. He accepts, and he is under contract.

 

When he picks Alexei up at 6:45 sharp, he is smiling from ear to ear. “Hey you,” he says as Alexei opens the door.

“You look happy. Come in, I get coat.”

“I am happy. Guess what?”

Alexei struggles to get his coat on, and Kent giggles, then helps him put it on. As he zips it up for Alexei, Alexei just raises an eyebrow. “What?”

“I bought a house today.”

“What? Where?”

Kent grabs Alexei’s gloves from the hall table, and puts one on Alexei’s good hand, still giggling. “I bought house three. It’s my house.”

Alexei grasps Kent’s shoulder. “Really? You are moving here? You really buy it?” His eyes are wide and full of surprise. “What happened?”

Kent tells him about his call with Jack, and his epiphany. “I realized that I wanted it, that I didn’t want anyone else to buy it, so I bought it. I met with Debbie this afternoon, made an offer, and they accepted. The only condition is that they need a quick close.”

“How quick?”

“Thirty days.”

“You move here in a month?”

“Yeah, give or take.” 

Alexei pulls Kent to him, and once again, kisses his breath away. “This makes me so happy.”

“Yeah, me too.”

 

 

They get to the high school with plenty of time to spare, and get their tickets. It’s not long before fans spot them, and they sign a few autographs and take a few photos, but then are left alone. A security guard approaches them, and asks if they’d mind going to the locker room before the game starts. It seems the team has alerted security that Kent would be there, and invited him to see the players before the game.

They agree, and when they enter the locker room, they find a very dismal group of young men. 

“What’s this?” Alexei asks. “Not ready for game. Get excited! With this attitude, you can’t win. Isn’t Dexter your rival?” Dexter High School and Providence are in the same district, and have been friendly (and sometimes not-so-friendly) rivals for decades.

“We aren’t going to win. We are out of the playoffs, and this game doesn’t matter,” Mikey says. Of course it’s Mikey.

“Every game matters. You’re still a team, you have fans out there who came to see hockey, and good sportsmanship means that you give it your all. You give it your all even if you’re out of the running for tournaments,” Kent explains.

“It’s just our parents and girlfriends,” another player says. 

“Really? How do you know there aren’t scouts out there? It’s the end of the season. Maybe there are college scouts looking at some of you. Can you guarantee that there aren’t?” 

“They were here earlier in the year,” a player retorts.

“Recruiting never stops, as far as I understand it. Do you want to take that chance? Any seniors here? Even juniors?” 

A few hands go up, and Kent nods. “Go out and play your best. If not for any other reason than to say you gave it your all. You may surprise yourself and even have some fun.”

Just then, Coach Matt comes out of his small office. “Hey Kent. Oh, and Alexei, too. Nice to see you both. Thanks for coming.” He shakes both of their hands. “Sam told me he invited you. It means a lot to him that you came.”

“I’m glad he asked. We’re going to go sit. Good luck, guys. Do your best.”

“Kick some butt!” Alexei yells as they leave.

 

“Wow, that’s depressing,” Kent says as they walk back to their seats. 

“Yes, so defeated and haven’t even played.”

 

They grab some drinks and popcorn at the concession stand, and sit to watch the game with Sam’s mom, Amy. They also meet Ricky’s parents, and quite a few other team parents. 

The first period is not that exciting. Both teams are out of the playoffs, and the fans aren’t that into it, either. It may be the most boring hockey game Kent’s ever been to.

The second period starts with a little more promise. Just over a minute in, Sam scores with an assist from Ricky, and the fans cheer loudly. Kent and Alexei are on their feet, cheering, and Sam and Ricky are both laughing. 

Shortly after, the Providence goalie makes a fantastic save, and Kent and Alexei are on their feet again, cheering loudly. Play is picking up, the crowd is more energized, and Kent is enjoying himself at a high school hockey game.

At the end of the second period, it’s two to one, Providence, and both teams are playing with heart now. Alexei leans in to Kent and says, “This is more fun than I thought it would be.”

Kent laughs. “Right? They’re actually doing pretty well.”

The third period starts, and both teams are playing hard now. Providence wants to keep their lead, and Dexter wants to score. The fans are screaming loudly, on both sides, and though Dexter fights hard, the game ends with Providence as the victors. 

Kent and Alexei head to the locker room after the game to congratulate the players. The mood has considerably improved, and they’re happy to end their season on a high note. 

Matt asks them to go talk to Dexter, if they don’t mind. Their coach is a friend of his, and he’d heard that Kent and Alexei were there. After a final congratulations to the players, they head over to the girls’ locker room, which serves as the visitors’ locker room during games. Matt pushes the door open, calling, “Hey Steve, can we come in?”

A tall man with brown hair and dark eyes appears, ushering them in. “Yeah, of course. Thanks for coming. I’m Steve Williams.”

They do the introductions, shaking hands and congratulating the coach on a well-played game. Steve then takes them to meet the players, who understandably are not as happy as Providence. Kent and Alexei sign some autographs and take some selfies with the kids, answering some questions and letting them know they played a great game.

One player, who says his name is Robbie, whispers and asks Kent if there is anyway he could ever talk to him privately. He says he needs to talk to someone about ‘stuff’. Kent nods, and tells him to send him a DM on Twitter, and to include that he plays for Dexter, and he’ll respond. Robbie looks so grateful that Kent feels like crying. 

They head out shortly after, and run into a local reporter, who asks if they wouldn’t mind doing an interview. They are asked why they are at a high school hockey game and what they thought about the quality of the play. Alexei reminds him that he plays with Sam’s father, and hockey is the best sport. Kent comments on Sam’s goal and Ricky’s assist, making sure to mention them by name, along with a few other players on both teams. 

The reporter then raises an eyebrow and inquires, “I didn’t know you guys were friends. How did that happen?”

Alexei responds, “Kent is love of my life. How did you not know that? Seem pretty obvious to me. He’s best person.” He grabs Kent by his hand, and they walk away, with Alexei laughing and Kent stunned speechless.

 

They get to Kent’s car, and Kent finally speaks. “What did you just do?”

“Came out,” Alexei says calmly.

“Well, no shit. But why? Why did you do it this way? And now? And to a shitty local reporter? And does your agent know? Does George? What about your parents? What about…”

“Kent. Breathe. I have calls to make, but is okay. You drive, I call. Is fine.”

Kent snorts. “Is fine. Sure. Whatever.”

“Kent. I love you. Will be fine.”

Kent turns to Alexei and just stares. They haven’t even moved from the parking spot yet, and the lot is fairly empty. “You know I love you, right?”

“Yes. I know we have work to do, but yes.”

Kent leans in for a soft, quick kiss. “Good. Now make your calls.”

 

Alexei makes his calls. No one is really surprised that Alexei took matters into his own hands and did this his way. George, Alexei’s GM, is awesome, as always, and will have PR tweet their normal statement of support. His parents laugh, telling him they love him and will watch the news, and insist they want to meet Kent soon. His agent asks why he couldn’t have done this earlier in the week during ‘normal people’ hours, but he’s laughing, too. 

Alexei texts Jack, who is getting ready for his game, and only responds with a smiley emoji. He texts Bitty, who is somewhere on his book tour, set to return tomorrow. Bitty has a lot more to say.

 

TO Itty Bitty:

I came out tonight to a reporter.

 

TO Tater:

What? You couldn’t have waited another day? I hope you aren’t alone. I have pies in the freezer. Make Kent give you one. Tell him I told you to. I’ll text him too. I’ll make sure it’s not weird. He can leave it outside for you. You’re amazing, and I’ll be home tomorrow. 

 

TO Itty Bitty:

Is okay. With Kent now. Told reporter he was love of my life. Had pie with him the other night at your house. 

 

TO Tater:

WHAT? I expect full details tomorrow.

 

Alexei laughs, and Kent glances at him questioningly. “Bitty expects full details tomorrow. He’s very surprised that I had pie with you the other night.”

“Ha yeah, he’s going to be surprised at a lot of things. I kinda figured Jack would have told him.”

“Right? Guess not.”

They arrive at Alexei’s house, and Alexei invites Kent in. “Want to watch news and me come out to world?” 

Of course he does. Kent helps Alexei out of his jacket, and grabs them both beers from the fridge. They turn on the NHL network and settle on the couch while they wait for the news to start. Kent is checking Twitter for news, and sees that he has a DM from Robbie, the Dexter player.

Sure enough, as Kent suspected, Robbie is gay, and is struggling with it. He doesn’t know how to come out to his team, though his parents and sister know. 

Kent replies and explains that his team doesn’t have to know if he doesn’t want them to, but if he wants to tell them, there are many ways he could do that. He could make a big announcement, or do it casually in the way of talking about a guy he’s talking to or dating. He could also tell one or two trusted players first, if he chooses. He emphasizes this is all his choice, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. 

At the end, he adds, “Alexei and I were interviewed by your local ABC station. I’m absolutely positive it will air. Make sure to watch it. It’s relevant.”

 

Shortly after Kent sends his response, he gets a text from Kevin. 

 

TO Kent:

“Why is a Providence station asking us for quotes about Alexei Mashkov coming out and saying you’re the love of his life? Is that true?”

 

“Oh fuck,” Kent says. 

“What?” Alexei wonders.

“I didn’t tell Kevin from You Can Play. They are getting quote requests from the news station.” He shows Alexei the text.

Alexei takes Kent’s phone, and calls Kevin. Kevin answers on the first ring.

“Kent? What’s going on?”

“Kevin, this is Alexei Mashkov. I’m with Kent. Story is true. Kent and I were at Providence hockey game tonight, and reporter asked about Kent and I being friends, and I told him truth. Kent is love of my life, and he is best person.”

Kevin laughs. “Well, congratulations. Do the important people in your life know already?”

“Yes, parents and family know, Georgia Martin knows, friends know, team knows. Have for years.”

“Great. Well, we don’t comment on personal relationships, but we can make the general comments about sexuality not being a factor in sports. Is that okay with you?”

“Yes, that’s perfect. Thank you.”

“I heard from Kent that you did a great job at the high school the other day. If you ever want to do it again, let me know.”

Alexei smiles at Kent. “Yes, I’d be happy to work with you. Use me how you like.” He gives Kevin his agent’s information, and they end the call.

“I guess it’s all official now,” Kent says with a grin. “How do you feel?”

“Not nervous? I feel like I should be nervous, but I’m just happy. Is big relief.”

“That’s good. You should be happy.” Kent pauses, and has to ask. “You are doing this entirely for you, right? This isn’t for me?”

“No, is for me, but are you okay? Is essentially telling world we are in a relationship. We aren’t. I don’t even know if you were seeing anyone.” Alexei hangs his head as the full impact of what he may have done to Kent sinks in.

“Oh. I hadn’t thought of that.” He’s quiet for a moment, taking it in. He sees the look on Alexei’s face, and reaches over to tip his face up. “Alexei, I don’t know where this is going, but you need to know I’m not seeing anyone else. I haven’t had another relationship since you and I ended. I’ve tried to, if I’m being honest, but nothing ever worked past a few dates. My last date was several months ago.”

“Why?” Alexei holds his breath. 

“They, uh, they weren’t you. They weren’t you, and I was still in love with you. I’ve never stopped being in love with you.”

Alexei launches himself at Kent, pressing him against the arm of the couch, and kisses him. He tries to wrap his one good arm around him, which results in his cast pressing against Kent’s ribs.

“Oof,” Kent laughs, pushing Alexei away. 

“I’m sorry,” Alexei pouts. “I can’t even kiss you.”

“Yes, you can.” Kent gently pushes Alexei back against the other arm of the couch, and lowers his body over Alexei. “See? This works.” 

Alexei wraps his good arm around Kent successfully, bringing their bodies close together as their mouths meet, and Kent can feel Alexei’s erection as he thrusts his hips up to meet Kent’s.

It feels so good that Kent wonders what in hell he’s waiting for. They still love each other, Alexei’s come out, Kent has retired and is moving to Providence. What’s holding him back?

Oh yeah, fear. Fear is holding him back. He remembers how much it hurt to lose Alexei, and he doesn’t think he could go through that again.

He pulls away, and says, “It’s about time for the news to start.” He grabs the remote and changes the channel, just in time.

“… We’ll have those stories and more, but first, we have breaking sports news. We go to Sports Anchor, Tom Wilkinson, with the story.”

“Thanks, Linda. Earlier tonight, we were at Providence High School, covering the rivalry hockey game between Providence and Dexter. Providence came out on top, two to one, and we’ll have more on that exciting game later. After the game, we had a chance to talk to two NHL legends who were in attendance, Kent Parson, who retired two years ago, and the Falconers own Alexei Mashkov. As you know, he’s currently out with injuries after a car accident over a week ago.”

The screen flashes to Kent and Alexei at the game, cheering after Sam scored his goal, with Kent hugging Sam’s mom and Alexei high fiving Ricky’s mom. “As you can see, they enjoyed the game, and cheered with fans, including Amy Smith, whose son, Sam, scored in that clip. Sam’s dad is none other than Max Smith, who plays with Alexei on the Falconers.”

The screen flashes to the interview, and Tom says, “We interviewed the two after the game, and here’s what they had to say.” The brief interview plays, ending with Alexei’s statement, and the two walking away hand in hand, with Alexei laughing and Kent smiling, but looking stunned.

They cut back to Tom in the studio, who says, “We had a chance to talk to You Can Play, an organization which promotes inclusivity in sports. Kent Parson has done a lot of work with them. Their representative said only, ‘We don’t comment on personal relationships, but we do believe that anyone can play sports, without regard to sexual orientation or sexual identity. Alexei Mashkov and Kent Parson have certainly proven this to be true for many years.” The screen shows the quote for a moment, then flashes back to Tom.

“On a personal note, reporting on the personal lives of athletes is something I don’t like doing, but sometimes my job requires it. Having talked to many athletes, I know that many find talking about their personal lives just as distasteful as I do asking about them. This is all I want to say on this matter, and Alexei, if you’re watching, congratulations. Linda.”

The screen flashes to Linda, who says, “Well said, Tom. In other news, there was a robbery…”

 

Kent turns the TV off, and looks at Alexei. “Well, I guess the reporter you picked to come out to wasn’t so shitty.”

“No, Tom is a good guy. I picked him for reason.” Alexei smiles wide.

“Of course you did. I should have known better. Was this your plan?”

“No, but opportunity was too good to pass up,” Alexei gloats.

Alexei’s phone starts chirping, and shortly after, Kent’s does, too. As Alexei answers texts from his parents and agent, Kent finds Tom on Twitter, and retweets his video from his newscast.

 

@kvparson1  
Thanks to @TomWilkinsonABC6 for a great piece about @AlexeiMashkov7 and me. Well done, sir. @YouCanPlay #LGBTQIA #NHL #ProvidenceHSHockey

 

He sees a notification for a DM from Robbie, and reads it.

 

To Kent:

You and Alexei? Alexei is gay? I’d never have guessed. That’s awesome. That’s also hot lol. He’s one of my favorite players. Tell him thanks from me. It means a lot that he came out. I look up to him a lot as a dman. : )

 

Kent grins and shows Alexei the message. “Oh one of the Dexter players? That’s really cool.” Alexei pauses, then says quietly, “That’s really great.”

“Yeah, this will make an impact, babe,” Kent says, slipping into his old pet name for Alexei without realizing it.

“Do you hear that a lot? That it means a lot to kids?”

“Yeah, sometimes. It never stops feeling good, though. You’ll always remember Robbie. Can I tell him to DM you? Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s good.” Alexei is still taking that in when Bitty calls him.

 

“Hi, Itty Bitty!”

“Alexei Mashkov, you have so much to tell me! First, though, how are you feeling? Are you still hurting from the accident?”

“Still achy, but not too bad. Worse at night, but have meds for that.”

“Good, good. That’s good. How are you doing now that the story aired? I saw the video that Kent retweeted. Tom did a great job.”

“He did. I feel good. Relieved more than anything. We’ll see later. I won’t be back on ice for at least few more weeks, if not longer. Right now, I’m in safe bubble.”

“Yeah, maybe, but you know everyone has your back. I’m so proud of you. Come for dinner this week? The girls come back tomorrow, and Jack comes back Monday, but maybe Tuesday or Wednesday?”

“You got it.”

 

They end the call, and Alexei tells Kent about the conversation.

“Oh that’s right. They’ll need family time. Maybe I should get a hotel for a few days. Since I’m buying here, I won’t be going to Boston or New York now. I need to stay in town for a few more days to get the home inspection done, and then go back to Vegas and list my condo and pack.”

“Stay here. Stay with me.”

“Alexei.”

“You can sleep in guest room if you want.”

“Is this a good idea?”

“Is great idea.”

It’s probably a bad idea, but he says yes anyway. “Okay, I’ll bring my stuff over tomorrow.”

Alexei just beams.

 

 

Kent goes home shortly after the news ends, and the following morning, he gets up, goes for a run, then eats a breakfast of blueberry cobbler and coffee. He cleans up, making the kitchen look like no one has been there. 

He packs his stuff, takes a shower, strips the bed, changes the sheets, and throws his bedding into the washer. He leaves a note for Bitty, letting him know about the sheets, and thanking him for the food, and telling him that he’s at Alexei’s, and leaves.

 

He can’t help wondering how much of a mistake this is going to be. He doesn’t question that it’s a mistake, just how big of one it will be. It never occurs to him that this could be a good thing.

 

When he gets to Alexei’s, Alexei opens the door, but is on the phone. Alexei mouths, “Agent”, and rolls his eyes, letting Kent in. Kent leaves his bag by the door, and follows Alexei to the kitchen. Kent realizes he hasn’t checked his phone once today, having put it on silent last night.

Well, his phone has blown up, silently. He has texts from Jack, Bitty, his mother and sister, Swoops, his agent, Kevin, and former teammates. His Twitter notifications are ridiculous. Even his Facebook page, which he hardly uses, is insane.

He weeds through the texts, promising to call some later, responding to some questions, and ignoring others. He opens Twitter, scrolls through his mentions, and retweets the You Can Play tweet, Georgia Martin’s tweet, the official Falconer’s tweet, and sees that Ricky, Sam and Robbie have all tweeted about him and Alexei.

Ricky and Sam said Kent and Alexei were nice enough to stop in the locker room before and after the game, gave them pep talks and congrats, and thanked them. Kent retweeted them both, congratulating them on their points scored. 

Robbie was defending them to some random asshole, saying that Kent’s and Alexei’s stats and records prove that anyone can play. Kent retweeted him, congratulating him on a great game played.

His DMs are crazy. He ignores most of them, and responds to a few, including Robbie and some friends. He is in the middle of a response to a former teammate when he feels Alexei’s hand on his shoulder and looks up.

Alexei looks tired, with dark circles under his eyes, and Kent pulls him into a hug. “You okay?”

“Yeah, better now. How you handle all this?”

Fuck. He shouldn’t have left Alexei alone. He didn’t even think about it.

“Ignore everyone but the important people. Don’t go on Twitter. I’ll deal with that. Anyone important can text or call. I can screen those if you want. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

“No, is okay. Just a little overwhelmed. Glad you’re here.”

Kent is glad, too. “Just let me know what I can do.”

“Just be here.”

 

They spend the day mostly ignoring their phones, though Kent did check in on both his and Alexei’s phones just before dinner. He lets Jack and Bitty know that they were ignoring phones, and would be in touch later. He tells Alexei that his agent had texted with some interview requests. 

Alexei groans. “Interviews? Why?”

“You don’t have to do them. I didn’t do any other than OutSports. Say no if you want.”

“I can do OutSports, maybe. I don’t really want to do any. What would I say? ‘I come out after ridiculous long time of staying in closet? Hurt people I love.’ Depressing article.”

“Oh babe, no. You stayed in the closet just as long as you needed to, and you know there is no set time for that.”

“But I hurt you.”

“We hurt each other, and not only because you weren’t out.”

“Can we talk about that?”

“About what? Our relationship?”

“Yes.”

Kent really doesn’t want to. He wants to stay in the house, cuddle on the couch, maybe eat some take-out for dinner, and ignore the world and all its negativity. But, he supposes, if they are ever going to really heal and move forward, they probably need to have this talk. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s a good idea. Did you have anything in mind that you wanted to talk about?”

“Yes, I need you to know I was never once ashamed of you. Do you know that?”

Deep down, Kent didn’t, though Alexei’s statement yesterday helped a lot. Intellectually, he can tell himself over and over that Alexei had damned good reasons for not coming out, and yet, in that soft place in his gut, he had always reverted to that insecurity and couldn’t help but think Alexei wasn’t proud to be with him.

“Back then, I didn’t. I know you had really good reasons for not coming out. I mean, it wasn’t at all safe for you for a long time. I get that. But you were so afraid to let so many people know that I wondered.”

“And now?”

“Well, now the world knows, so that helps,” Kent laughs softly, blushing a little. 

Alexei sits Kent down on a barstool at his kitchen counter, and takes one of his hands in his own. “Kent, is very important that you know this. You loving me is thing I am most proud of. You are best person. Best person I know. Never wanted to hide you. Had to, for a long time, and I know it hurt you, but never my intention.”

Kent struggles to speak. “Alexei.”

“I do some reading last night. Read about some celebrity couples and how they make long distance relationships work. We won’t really be long distance, but we both travel. Some say they make promises to not spend longer than two weeks apart. I think that’s good idea.” He looks at Kent expectantly.

“Two weeks?” What does he think? He could do that. “Two weeks sounds good.”

“So are we doing this? Are we trying?” Alexei’s eyes light with hope.

“God, I want to. I really want to, but aren’t you afraid? What happens if we don’t work? It took me a long time to get through losing you. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, harder even than losing Jack. I’m not sure I could do it again.”

“Kent, there are no guarantees. Either one of us could die tomorrow. But I’ve loved you for over ten years. I can’t imagine why I’d stop.”

“But we loved each other before and it didn’t work.”

“Yes, but that wasn’t because of big differences between us. That was distance, hiding and time. Those things not matter now.”

Kent knows this is all true. Intellectually he knows this. He just has to take a leap of faith, and he doesn’t know if he can. He’s lost everyone he’s ever loved. Okay, so “everyone” means Jack and Alexei, but still.

“I just need more time. Is that okay?”

“Yes. I’m patient man.” 

 

They eat dinner, and watch bad reality TV for the rest of the night. It’s been a big weekend, so they go to bed early, with Kent heading to the guest room. He brushes his teeth, strips his clothes off, leaving only his boxers, and climbs into the comfortable bed with the thick comforter and soft sheets. He burrows in, pulling the covers up to his neck, and tries to fall asleep.

Forty-five minutes later, he sighs and reaches over to turn on the lamp. His mind is spinning, and he can’t stop imagining Alexei in the next room over, sleeping alone. He unlocks his phone and checks Twitter. Bad move. His mentions are still ridiculous, so he closes the app.

He plays a couple of rounds of a few different games, but can’t concentrate on crushing anything or making words. He finally says, “Fuck it” out loud, and gets up and quietly walks to Alexei’s room. He softly knocks on the door, not wanting to wake Alexei if he is sleeping.

“Come in?” Alexei sounds like he’s asking a question, surprised.

Kent opens the door, finding Alexei awake in the dark. “Did I wake you?”

“No, can’t sleep. You need something?”

“Can’t sleep. Can I come in?”

Alexei rolls his eyes. “’Course,” and he pats the empty side of his huge king-sized bed.

Kent wastes no time, and hurries to the bed, climbing in and getting under the covers. “Thanks.”

“Did you want to talk?” Alexei asks.

“Not really. Just wanted to be with you. Is that okay?”

“Silly. Of course it is.”

Kent rolls over to lay his head on Alexei’s chest, and throws an arm over Alexei’s waist. “This feels nice.”

“Yes. You feel nice.”

Kent burrows a little deeper under the covers and a little closer to Alexei, and Alexei sighs with pleasure. Within moments, they are both asleep.

 

Kent wakes the next morning, a little disoriented when he remembers he’s in Alexei’s bed in Alexei’s arms. Well, arm. He blinks, and realizes that at some point during the night, he had wrapped his top leg over Alexei’s legs, and their legs are now intertwined. His erection is also pressed solidly against Alexei’s thigh. 

This is awkward.

“Good morning,” Alexei whispers.

Well, there goes any hope of Alexei not noticing. “Morning. How long have you been awake?”

“Just a little bit. Didn’t want to wake you.”

“Oh that’s really sweet, but you could have gotten up.”

“I’m okay, but really need to pee.”

Kent laughs, and moves off Alexei so he can get up. He watches Alexei walk to the bathroom, clad only in black boxer briefs, and well, that’s not helping his morning situation at all. He eyes those long, lean, muscular legs, and that ass. Oh dear God, that ass. He moans to himself as Alexei closes the door, and tries to think of other things. He mostly imagines grabbing that ass in his hands as Alexei… He ultimately decides to get up because jacking off in Alexei’s bed is not a good idea.

After grabbing some sweats and a t-shirt from his room and brushing his teeth, he heads to the kitchen to make some coffee. Alexei finds him there a few minutes later.

“I was hoping to find you still in bed.”

“I was tempted. You look damned good.”

Alexei preens under the praise, but asks, “So why did you get up?”

Kent throws the spoon in his hand down on the counter. “Do you know how hard this is? I am trying to be sensible, and I’m not known for that. I want nothing more than to be with you again, to connect with you in that way, to feel you inside me again…”

Alexei moans, but allows Kent to continue.

“Right? It would be great, but how do I know I’m not doing it because I’m lonely? Because I miss you? How do I know I’m doing it for the right reasons? How do I know I’m not doing it just because I’m weak?”

“Kent, you are strongest man I know. You fought through so much.”

“I don’t want everything to be a fight anymore. Things don’t have to be this hard, right?”

“Who has easy life? No one I know. But maybe it’s our turn. Maybe timing was just wrong before. Timing is better now.”

Kent sighs. He doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. “Maybe. I just need more time, okay?”

“Okay. Sorry I push. I’m patient man.”

Kent snorts. “Sure you are.”

 

 

Kent makes an appointment with a home inspector for late that evening. He knows he got lucky; the current homeowners are out of town, which works as they can’t be at the house during the inspection, and the inspector had a cancellation. He decides that he’ll go back to Vegas tomorrow.

Alexei is not happy.

“I thought you’d be here longer,” he pouts.

“Well, things just fell into place. I need to get back, list my condo, get everything ready for sale, and pack.”

“Can I come help?”

“Maybe. I’ll let you know how it goes.”

“I just got you back. I don’t want to lose this already.”

“I’ll be back in a month. I just need time, okay?”

Alexei pouts, but agrees. He’s a patient man, after all.

 

After a successful inspection, with only minor issues found, Kent and Alexei spend a quiet evening in. Kent has to be in Boston by eight, so they head to bed early. They don't even pretend this time, and just wrap up together and cuddle in Alexei's bed.

“I’ll miss you,” Alexei whispers.

“I’ll miss you, too. I never thought any of this would be happening,” Kent whispers back.

“Me either.”

They kiss for a while, and this time, Alexei stops it. “I’m not pushing. I’m patient man.”

Kent laughs through a moan. “You really are. Love you.”

“Love you.”

They snuggle into each other, and fall asleep.

 

Leaving the next morning reminds Kent painfully of the past, of all the times he’d left Alexei, not knowing when they’d get to see each other again. He knows this time there is an end, and that at the most, he’ll be back in a month, but that makes this departure only slightly easier.

They kiss goodbye, Kent wills himself not to cry, and they part, with Kent promising to call when he gets to Vegas.

 

 

His third day back in Vegas, he has lunch with Swoops. Swoops asks if his condo is still for sale because he just found out that Chicken – Mike Fowler, the Aces goalie – is getting a divorce and is looking for a condo. 

“Yeah, it’s only been listed for a day. I don’t even know if it’s made it online or anything yet. Think he’d be interested?”

“Yeah. His wife got tired of his affairs and has already filed. He’s living in a hotel. Can I call him and have him meet us there later?”

“Sure. How cool would that be if I didn’t have to deal with a bunch of showings and open houses?”

“Right? Now tell me why you aren’t back with Alexei already.”

Kent groans. “Fuck. Really?”

“Yes, really. You’re buying a house in Providence. He told the world you are the love of his life, and you spent all this time with him. Why aren’t you back together?”

Kent sets his drink down and sighs. “What if it doesn’t work?”

“Oh my friend, what if it does?”

Huh. Kent hadn’t even thought of it that way.

 

They meet Chicken at the condo later, and he loves it. He decides on the spot to offer full listing price, and even negotiates with Kent to buy some of the furniture. That makes sense to Kent – he’ll have to move less crap, and the furniture is mostly sleek, modern Vegas condo, not waterfront Providence.

Chicken is also open to whatever closing Kent wants, and they decide on three weeks. That will give the movers some time to get Kent’s stuff to Providence in time for closing, and if there’s a delay, Kent can stay with Alexei or Jack.

That night, Kent lies in bed, exhausted, but wide awake. When he lost Alexei, the color, the vibrancy went out of his life. He existed. When we was back in Alexei’s arms, though, it was like coming up for air for the first time in seven years.

 

He starts allowing himself to remember the good parts of their relationship, not just the end and the pain that followed it. It makes him happy.

 

 

Kent has a busy few weeks. He is packing, going through a lot of his stuff, meeting with Chicken to see if he wants any of the stuff he doesn’t want to keep (and the answer is almost always yes), meeting with friends to say goodbye, and selling his car. His fancy sports car is fine for Vegas, but impractical for a city that gets a lot of snow. He’ll buy a new one as soon as he gets to Providence. 

He talks to Alexei daily. Alexei is bored without hockey to keep him busy, and lonely without Kent, even after having him back in his life for such a short time. 

Kent’s continuing to do a lot of thinking. As he remembers more of the good things, he remembers that for a long time, they had a really good relationship. They were happy. He does wonder what he’d do if it doesn’t work, but now, the thing that comes to mind most is what Swoops said: “Oh my friend, what if it does?” 

If it works, it would be the best thing that ever happened to Kent, and he can’t stop thinking about that. He’s now thinking it could really work.

The only downfall about his trip to Vegas is that Alexei never makes it out. Kent is so busy that it doesn’t make sense for him to come when Kent will be back so soon. He understands, but isn’t happy about it. He’s trying hard to be a patient man, but he keeps telling Kent he’s failing at it. Kent empathizes. He’s losing patience, too.

 

 

Three weeks to the day of Kent returning to Vegas, he closes on the sale of his condo. The movers had loaded their truck the day before, and promised to meet him in Providence in a week, but Kent’s heard enough horror stories that he’ll believe that when he sees it. Chicken and Kent sign what feels like a million forms, Kent hands over the keys, and it’s done.

Kent leaves for the airport shortly after, and doesn’t feel nearly as sad or nervous as he thought he would. He does feel sad, but excitement outweighs that by far. He gets to see Alexei in a few hours, which helps, and he’s done enough thinking to know what he’s going to do.

 

He lands in Boston at a little after eight, rents a car, and drives to Alexei’s. When he arrives, Alexei hugs him tightly and passionately kisses him hello, then pulls him to the kitchen, where he has some of Bitty’s lasagna heated and ready for Kent to eat.

They talk about what kind of car Kent is going to buy – he thinks an SUV hybrid, the closing on his new house, furniture shopping, and other easy topics. Alexei is just happy Kent is back. Kent’s happy to be there. He really doesn’t want to be anywhere else. 

He’s with the love of his life, after all. 

After he’s finished eating, he stands, and takes Alexei by the hand, leading him to Alexei’s bedroom, smiling with a gleam in his eyes.

“Kent?”

“I’m ready, babe. I want to make this official.”

“But you said what if it doesn’t work?” 

Kent stops, looking into Alexei’s wide, brown eyes, and cups his cheek so gently. “But oh babe, what if it does?” 

Alexei just beams with tears in his eyes, and follows Kent.

  
  
  
  
  


**epilogue**  
  
  


September 2027

Kent reaches out and takes Alexei’s hand as they look at the stars over the water. It’s a cool night, as warm summer nights are likely over for Providence, but it’s nice enough to sit outside in their lounger together, with their new cat, Purrs, under a fuzzy fleece blanket.

They’ve done this so many nights now, and many more mornings. They’ve fulfilled the fantasy of making love on their balcony, but learned quickly that’s an activity better left to nighttime, as they realized that if they can see people on boats, those same people could see them. 

Alexei officially moved in last summer, after the end of the season and it’s seemingly endless celebrations, though he’d really spent most of his time there once Kent moved in. The Falcs won the Cup, and Alexei retired. He is healed from his accident, and is at peace.

Kent told him he’s going to have his name put on the deed, and they’ll get around to it soon. They’ve been busy, with hockey, You Can Play, and Kent is attempting to write a book about being the first openly gay player in the NHL. 

“Hey husband, can you pour me a little more wine?” Kent asks.

Alexei laughs. They’ve been married three days, and Kent hasn’t stopped referring to him as “husband”. It was a small, somewhat spontaneous event, with Bitty officiating, and only their families and a few close friends in attendance. They had to wait till the Aces and Falcs were done with their seasons, obviously, and the Cup days for the Aces this year, but they had to do it before the season started again. Kent couldn’t get married without Swoops there. 

At the wedding, just before it started, Swoops took Kent aside to make sure he knew what he was doing.

Kent just smiled, told him he was good, and said, “Oh my friend, it’s working. It’s working so well.”

**Author's Note:**

>  **TW/CW** \- The sexual assault/hazing incident takes place at a high school, by a high school hockey team. Kent is called in to speak to the coaches and team after it happens. A few players perceive that another player is gay, and attempt to anally penetrate him with his hockey stick. He is not seriously injured, and they were not able to do so before being stopped.
> 
> The photo of Kent and Alexei is taken from a house listing [here](https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/40-Seaview-Ave_Cranston_RI_02905_M47731-35713#photo26).
> 
> The opening verse from Forever is by Mika Zibanejad, who plays for the New York Rangers. 
> 
> The title is from [Colorblind](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-96V3xf2l0), by Amber Riley.


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